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<b>02 Monty Python And The Holy
Grail - 1975 [H264-mp4] English</b>

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[ SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING ]

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[ RECORD PLAYER SLOWING
TO A STOP ]

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[ SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC RESUMES ]

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[ RECORD PLAYER
SLOWING TO A STOP ]

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[ SENTIMENTAL
VIOLIN MUSIC PLAYING ]

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[ RECORD PLAYER
SLOWING TO A STOP ]

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[ RECORD PLAYER WINDS UP ]

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[ LIVELY MUSIC PLAYING ]

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[ WIND HOWLING ]

11
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[ HOOFBEATS APPROACHING ]

12
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Whoa, there!

13
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[ BIRD CAWING ]

14
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GUARD 1 I Halt!

15
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GUARD 2: Who goes there?

16
00:04:40,447 --> 00:04:44,623
It is I, Arthur, Son of Uther
Pendragon, from the castle of Camelot.

17
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King of the Britons,
defeater of the Saxons.

18
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Sovereign of all England!

19
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GUARD 12 Pull the other one.

20
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I am, and this is my
trusty servant, Patsy.

21
00:04:57,380 --> 00:05:00,884
We have ridden the length of
the land in search of knights

22
00:05:00,967 --> 00:05:03,390
who will join me in
my court at Camelot.

23
00:05:03,512 --> 00:05:05,890
I must speak with
your lord and master.

24
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What? Ridden on a horse?

25
00:05:07,808 --> 00:05:08,855
Yes.

26
00:05:09,059 --> 00:05:10,060
You're using coconuts!

27
00:05:10,227 --> 00:05:11,228
What?

28
00:05:11,311 --> 00:05:13,234
You've got two
empty halves of coconut,

29
00:05:13,355 --> 00:05:15,232
and you're
banging them together.

30
00:05:15,315 --> 00:05:19,240
So? We have ridden since the snows
of winter covered this land.

31
00:05:19,736 --> 00:05:21,454
Through the Kingdom of Mercia.

32
00:05:21,571 --> 00:05:23,323
Where did you get the coconuts?

33
00:05:23,406 --> 00:05:24,623
We found them.

34
00:05:24,699 --> 00:05:27,919
Found them? In Mercia?
The coconut is tropical.

35
00:05:28,370 --> 00:05:29,713
What do you mean?

36
00:05:29,788 --> 00:05:31,085
Well, this is a temperate zone.

37
00:05:31,164 --> 00:05:33,508
The swallow may fly
south with the sun,

38
00:05:33,583 --> 00:05:34,863
or the house
martin or the plover

39
00:05:34,918 --> 00:05:37,046
may seek warmer
climes in winter,

40
00:05:37,170 --> 00:05:39,264
yet these are not
strangers to our land.

41
00:05:40,257 --> 00:05:42,635
Are you suggesting
coconuts migrate?

42
00:05:42,759 --> 00:05:45,182
Not at all.
They could be carried.

43
00:05:45,262 --> 00:05:48,186
What? A swallow
carrying a coconut?

44
00:05:48,265 --> 00:05:50,108
It could grip it by the husk.

45
00:05:50,433 --> 00:05:52,777
It's not a question
of where he grips it.

46
00:05:52,936 --> 00:05:55,280
It's a simple
question of weight ratio.

47
00:05:55,772 --> 00:05:59,948
A five-ounce bird could not
carry a one-pound coconut.

48
00:06:00,026 --> 00:06:02,870
It doesn't matter.
Go tell your master

49
00:06:02,946 --> 00:06:04,948
that Arthur from
Camelot is here.

50
00:06:06,449 --> 00:06:09,578
GUARD: In order to maintain
air-speed velocity,

51
00:06:09,786 --> 00:06:14,462
a swallow needs to beat its wings
43 times every second, right?

52
00:06:14,583 --> 00:06:16,460
Please! Am I right?

53
00:06:17,294 --> 00:06:19,342
I'm not interested.

54
00:06:19,462 --> 00:06:21,556
GUARD 2: It could be carried
by an African swallow.

55
00:06:22,215 --> 00:06:24,468
GUARD 1: Oh, yes!
An African swallow, maybe.

56
00:06:24,634 --> 00:06:26,887
Not a European swallow.
That's my point.

57
00:06:26,970 --> 00:06:28,222
I agree with that.

58
00:06:28,305 --> 00:06:32,651
Will you ask your master if he
wants to join my court at Camelot?

59
00:06:33,602 --> 00:06:36,697
But then, of course, African
swallows are non-migratory.

60
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GUARD 2: Oh, yes.

61
00:06:38,440 --> 00:06:39,987
They couldn't bring
a coconut, anyway.

62
00:06:40,650 --> 00:06:44,245
GUARD 3: Wait a minute! Supposing
two swallows carried it together?

63
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GUARD 4: No, they'd
have to have it on a line.

64
00:06:47,157 --> 00:06:49,535
GUARD 3: Simple. They'd
use a strand of creeper.

65
00:06:49,910 --> 00:06:52,208
Held under the dorsal
guiding feathers?

66
00:06:52,287 --> 00:06:53,334
Why not?

67
00:06:55,290 --> 00:06:56,837
MAN: Bring out your dead!

68
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[ PEOPLE SOBBING ]

69
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[ CLANGING ]

70
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[ CLANGING ]

71
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[ COUGHING ]

72
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Ninepence.

73
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[ MEN MOANING ]

74
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Bring out your dead.

75
00:07:50,762 --> 00:07:51,809
Here's one.

76
00:07:52,055 --> 00:07:53,147
Ninepence.

77
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I'm not dead! What?

78
00:07:54,891 --> 00:07:56,393
Nothing. Here's your ninepence.

79
00:07:56,476 --> 00:07:57,568
I'm not dead!

80
00:07:57,644 --> 00:07:58,736
He says he's not dead.

81
00:07:58,812 --> 00:07:59,904
Yes, he is.

82
00:07:59,980 --> 00:08:01,482
I'm not! He isn't?

83
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He will be soon. He's very ill.

84
00:08:02,899 --> 00:08:04,151
I'm getting better!

85
00:08:04,234 --> 00:08:05,986
You'll be stone
dead in a moment.

86
00:08:06,069 --> 00:08:08,743
I can't take him like that.
It's against regulations.

87
00:08:08,822 --> 00:08:10,415
I don't want to go on the cart.

88
00:08:10,573 --> 00:08:12,166
Don't be such a baby.

89
00:08:12,242 --> 00:08:13,289
I can't take him.

90
00:08:13,368 --> 00:08:14,415
I feel fine.

91
00:08:14,494 --> 00:08:15,495
Well, do us a favour.

92
00:08:15,578 --> 00:08:16,578
I can't.

93
00:08:16,621 --> 00:08:19,249
Can you hang around a few minutes?
He won't be long.

94
00:08:19,332 --> 00:08:22,051
Got to go to the Robinsons'.
They've lost nine today.

95
00:08:22,127 --> 00:08:23,925
When's your next round?
Thursday.

96
00:08:24,004 --> 00:08:25,802
I think I'll go for a walk.

97
00:08:25,922 --> 00:08:27,765
You're not fooling anyone,
you know.

98
00:08:27,841 --> 00:08:29,263
Isn't there
something you can do?

99
00:08:29,342 --> 00:08:33,017
I feel happy.

100
00:08:33,221 --> 00:08:34,222
[ GRUNTS ]

101
00:08:34,305 --> 00:08:35,648
Thanks very much.

102
00:08:35,765 --> 00:08:37,142
Not at all. See you on Thursday.

103
00:08:37,225 --> 00:08:38,317
Right.

104
00:08:42,272 --> 00:08:43,649
Who's that, then?

105
00:08:43,773 --> 00:08:45,195
I don't know. Must be a king.

106
00:08:45,483 --> 00:08:46,700
Why?

107
00:08:46,818 --> 00:08:48,098
He hasn't got shit all over him.

108
00:09:11,968 --> 00:09:13,595
Old woman! Man!

109
00:09:14,054 --> 00:09:17,479
Man. Sorry. What knight lives
in that castle over there?

110
00:09:17,599 --> 00:09:18,646
I'm 37.

111
00:09:18,808 --> 00:09:19,855
What?

112
00:09:20,143 --> 00:09:21,986
I'm 37. I'm not old.

113
00:09:22,103 --> 00:09:23,980
I can't just call you "man."

114
00:09:24,064 --> 00:09:25,486
You could say "Dennis."

115
00:09:25,648 --> 00:09:27,088
I didn't know you
were called Dennis.

116
00:09:27,150 --> 00:09:28,823
You didn't bother to find out.

117
00:09:28,902 --> 00:09:31,655
I did say sorry about the "old
woman," but from behind...

118
00:09:31,738 --> 00:09:34,992
What I object to is that you
treat me like an inferior.

119
00:09:35,116 --> 00:09:36,493
Well, I am king.

120
00:09:36,618 --> 00:09:37,995
King? Very nice.

121
00:09:38,578 --> 00:09:41,422
How did you get that?
By exploiting the workers!

122
00:09:41,831 --> 00:09:45,256
By hanging on to outdated
imperialist dogma which perpetuates

123
00:09:45,335 --> 00:09:48,339
the economic and social
differences in our society!

124
00:09:48,421 --> 00:09:50,423
If there's ever going
to be any progress...

125
00:09:50,548 --> 00:09:52,596
There's some
lovely filth down here.

126
00:09:52,675 --> 00:09:53,676
Oh!

127
00:09:53,968 --> 00:09:55,185
How do you do?

128
00:09:55,261 --> 00:09:58,265
How do you do, good lady? I am
Arthur, King of the Britons.

129
00:09:58,348 --> 00:09:59,474
Whose castle is that?

130
00:09:59,599 --> 00:10:00,771
King of the who?

131
00:10:00,850 --> 00:10:01,942
The Britons.

132
00:10:02,018 --> 00:10:03,019
Who are the Britons?

133
00:10:03,269 --> 00:10:06,273
We all are. We're all Britons.
And I am your king.

134
00:10:07,023 --> 00:10:08,320
Didn't know we had a king.

135
00:10:08,399 --> 00:10:10,197
I thought we were
an autonomous collective.

136
00:10:10,276 --> 00:10:13,120
You're fooling yourself. We're
living in a dictatorship.

137
00:10:13,196 --> 00:10:16,291
A self-perpetuating autocracy
in which the working class...

138
00:10:16,366 --> 00:10:18,869
There you go.
Bringing class into it again.

139
00:10:18,952 --> 00:10:21,125
That's what it's all about.
If only people...

140
00:10:21,246 --> 00:10:23,465
Please, good people.
I am in haste.

141
00:10:23,998 --> 00:10:25,750
Who lives in that castle?

142
00:10:26,376 --> 00:10:27,377
No one lives there.

143
00:10:27,460 --> 00:10:28,507
Who is your lord?

144
00:10:28,586 --> 00:10:30,463
We don't have a lord. What?

145
00:10:30,547 --> 00:10:33,721
I told you. We're an
anarcho-syndicalist commune.

146
00:10:33,883 --> 00:10:37,308
We take turns to act <i>as</i> a sort of
executive officer for the week.

147
00:10:37,387 --> 00:10:38,434
Yes.

148
00:10:38,513 --> 00:10:39,981
But all
the decisions of that officer

149
00:10:40,056 --> 00:10:41,979
are ratified at
a biweekly meeting.

150
00:10:42,058 --> 00:10:43,105
Yes, I see.

151
00:10:43,184 --> 00:10:45,403
By a majority in
the case of internal affairs.

152
00:10:45,478 --> 00:10:46,479
Be quiet!

153
00:10:46,563 --> 00:10:48,691
By a two-thirds
majority in the case of...

154
00:10:48,815 --> 00:10:50,988
Be quiet!
I order you to be quiet.

155
00:10:51,401 --> 00:10:53,495
"Order."
Who does he think he is?

156
00:10:53,570 --> 00:10:54,822
IWam your king!

157
00:10:54,946 --> 00:10:56,198
I didn't vote for you.

158
00:10:56,531 --> 00:10:58,078
You don't vote for kings.

159
00:10:58,199 --> 00:10:59,746
How did you become king then?

160
00:11:00,410 --> 00:11:03,334
The Lady of the Lake,
her arm clad

161
00:11:03,413 --> 00:11:05,290
in the purest shimmering samite,

162
00:11:05,373 --> 00:11:08,502
held aloft Excalibur
from the bosom of the water,

163
00:11:09,085 --> 00:11:11,508
signifying,
by divine providence,

164
00:11:11,588 --> 00:11:14,011
that I, Arthur,
was to carry Excalibur.

165
00:11:14,507 --> 00:11:16,009
That is why I'm your king!

166
00:11:16,092 --> 00:11:19,062
Listen. Strange women
lying in ponds,

167
00:11:19,137 --> 00:11:20,639
distributing swords, is no basis

168
00:11:20,722 --> 00:11:24,022
for a system of government.
Supreme executive power

169
00:11:24,100 --> 00:11:26,319
derives from
a mandate from the masses.

170
00:11:26,436 --> 00:11:28,689
Not from some
farcical aquatic ceremony.

171
00:11:28,771 --> 00:11:29,863
Be quiet!

172
00:11:29,939 --> 00:11:33,034
You can't expect to wield
supreme executive power

173
00:11:33,109 --> 00:11:35,703
'cause some watery tart
threw a sword at you.

174
00:11:35,778 --> 00:11:37,030
Shut up!

175
00:11:37,113 --> 00:11:39,036
If I went around
saying I was an emperor

176
00:11:39,115 --> 00:11:41,243
because some
moistened bint had lobbed

177
00:11:41,326 --> 00:11:43,420
a scimitar at me,
they'd put me away!

178
00:11:43,494 --> 00:11:45,542
Will you shut up?

179
00:11:45,622 --> 00:11:47,624
See the violence
inherent in the system.

180
00:11:47,790 --> 00:11:49,508
Shut up!

181
00:11:49,626 --> 00:11:51,378
See the violence
inherent in the system!

182
00:11:51,544 --> 00:11:53,387
Help, I'm being repressed!

183
00:11:53,463 --> 00:11:54,555
Bloody peasant!

184
00:11:54,631 --> 00:11:57,054
What a give-away.
Did you hear that?

185
00:11:57,133 --> 00:12:00,228
That's what I'm on about.
Did you see him repressing me?

186
00:12:16,527 --> 00:12:17,528
[ KNIGHTS GRUNTING ]

187
00:12:25,328 --> 00:12:26,329
[ KNIGHTS SHOUTING ]

188
00:12:30,667 --> 00:12:31,668
[ GRUNTING ]

189
00:12:39,801 --> 00:12:40,802
[ SHOUTING ]

190
00:12:50,019 --> 00:12:51,191
[ BOTH GRUNTING ]

191
00:12:56,234 --> 00:12:57,235
[ GROANING ]

192
00:12:59,988 --> 00:13:00,989
[ GROANING ]

193
00:13:16,129 --> 00:13:17,927
[ SHOUTING ]

194
00:13:19,674 --> 00:13:21,017
[ GURGLING ]

195
00:13:21,384 --> 00:13:22,385
[ THUDDING ]

196
00:13:37,025 --> 00:13:40,074
You fight with the strength
of many men, Sir Knight.

197
00:13:43,239 --> 00:13:45,412
I am Arthur,
King of the Britons.

198
00:13:49,746 --> 00:13:51,919
I seek the finest
and bravest knights

199
00:13:52,040 --> 00:13:54,259
in the land to
join me in Camelot.

200
00:13:59,714 --> 00:14:03,059
You have proved yourself worthy.
Will you join me?

201
00:14:08,681 --> 00:14:11,776
You make me sad.
So be it. Come, Patsy.

202
00:14:12,101 --> 00:14:13,774
None shall pass.

203
00:14:14,145 --> 00:14:16,239
What? None shall pass.

204
00:14:16,898 --> 00:14:18,741
I have no quarrel with you,
good Sir Knight,

205
00:14:18,816 --> 00:14:20,659
but I must cross this bridge.

206
00:14:20,735 --> 00:14:22,954
Then you shall die.

207
00:14:23,821 --> 00:14:27,792
I command you, <i>as</i> King of the
Britons, to stand aside.

208
00:14:28,076 --> 00:14:31,671
I move for no man.

209
00:14:33,456 --> 00:14:34,673
So be it!

210
00:14:36,751 --> 00:14:38,469
[ BELLOWS MENACINGLY ]

211
00:14:40,463 --> 00:14:46,061
[ SHOUTING ]

212
00:15:01,401 --> 00:15:03,495
Now, stand aside,
worthy adversary.

213
00:15:03,569 --> 00:15:05,116
'Tis but a scratch.

214
00:15:05,238 --> 00:15:06,785
"A scratch"? Your arm's off.

215
00:15:06,906 --> 00:15:07,998
No, it isn't.

216
00:15:08,157 --> 00:15:09,283
Well, what's that, then?

217
00:15:10,368 --> 00:15:11,836
I've had worse. You liar.

218
00:15:11,911 --> 00:15:13,538
Come on, you pansy!

219
00:15:18,376 --> 00:15:19,844
[ SHOUTING ]

220
00:15:21,587 --> 00:15:22,964
Victory is mine.

221
00:15:24,799 --> 00:15:26,767
We thank thee,
Lord, that in thy...

222
00:15:26,843 --> 00:15:27,844
[ GRUNTS ]

223
00:15:28,261 --> 00:15:29,854
Come on, then. What?

224
00:15:30,179 --> 00:15:31,396
Have at you.

225
00:15:33,099 --> 00:15:35,568
You are brave, Sir Knight,
but the fight is mine.

226
00:15:35,643 --> 00:15:37,236
Oh! Had enough, eh?

227
00:15:38,187 --> 00:15:40,815
Look, you stupid bastard.
You've got no arms left.

228
00:15:40,898 --> 00:15:42,366
Yes, I have. Look!

229
00:15:42,775 --> 00:15:44,277
Just a flesh wound.

230
00:15:45,361 --> 00:15:47,864
Look, stop that. Chicken!

231
00:15:47,947 --> 00:15:50,450
I'll have your leg. Right!

232
00:15:53,202 --> 00:15:54,328
Right! I'll do you for that.

233
00:15:54,454 --> 00:15:55,580
You'll what?

234
00:15:55,663 --> 00:15:57,040
Come here.

235
00:15:57,206 --> 00:15:58,583
What are you going to do?
Bleed on me?

236
00:15:58,666 --> 00:15:59,963
I am invincible!

237
00:16:00,084 --> 00:16:01,427
You're a loony.

238
00:16:02,170 --> 00:16:05,845
The Black Knight always triumphs.
Have at you!

239
00:16:06,883 --> 00:16:08,135
Come on, then.

240
00:16:10,511 --> 00:16:12,764
[ MUMBLING ]

241
00:16:13,389 --> 00:16:15,483
All right, we'll call it a draw.

242
00:16:16,392 --> 00:16:17,393
Come, Patsy.

243
00:16:17,477 --> 00:16:18,899
Oh, oh, I see.

244
00:16:19,395 --> 00:16:22,899
Running away?
You yellow bastard!

245
00:16:23,024 --> 00:16:25,118
Come back here and
take what's coming to you!

246
00:16:25,234 --> 00:16:27,362
I'll bite your legs off!

247
00:16:30,907 --> 00:16:34,878
<i>MONKS: A' Pie Jesu Domine</i>

248
00:16:35,495 --> 00:16:39,875
♪ <i>Dona eis requiem</i> ♪

249
00:16:41,375 --> 00:16:42,375
[ CHURCH BELL RINGS ]

250
00:16:42,418 --> 00:16:46,264
♪ <i>Pie Jesu Domine</i> ♪

251
00:16:47,798 --> 00:16:52,770
♪ <i>Dona eis requiem a'</i> ♪

252
00:17:05,149 --> 00:17:07,072
WOMAN: A witch!
MAN: We found a witch.

253
00:17:07,235 --> 00:17:08,452
[ PEOPLE CLAMORING ]

254
00:17:09,111 --> 00:17:10,112
We got a witch.

255
00:17:10,238 --> 00:17:11,285
We found a witch.

256
00:17:14,116 --> 00:17:15,584
We've got a witch.

257
00:17:16,994 --> 00:17:18,996
Burn her!

258
00:17:19,789 --> 00:17:23,134
[ CLAMOR APPROACHING ]

259
00:17:27,588 --> 00:17:29,340
We have found a witch.
May we burn her?

260
00:17:29,465 --> 00:17:31,263
ALL: Burn her!

261
00:17:32,927 --> 00:17:34,395
How do you know she is a witch?

262
00:17:34,512 --> 00:17:36,014
She looks like one.

263
00:17:36,597 --> 00:17:37,814
[ PEOPLE AGREEING ]

264
00:17:38,057 --> 00:17:39,525
Bring her forward.

265
00:17:40,309 --> 00:17:42,482
I am not a witch.

266
00:17:42,603 --> 00:17:44,731
But you are dressed as one.

267
00:17:45,106 --> 00:17:46,449
They dressed me up like this.

268
00:17:46,566 --> 00:17:47,909
ALL: We didn't!

269
00:17:47,984 --> 00:17:50,578
[ SPEAKING NASALLY ] And this
isn't my nose. It's a false one.

270
00:17:54,240 --> 00:17:55,241
Well?

271
00:17:55,366 --> 00:17:56,367
Well, we did do the nose.

272
00:17:57,201 --> 00:17:58,578
The nose?

273
00:17:58,703 --> 00:18:00,080
And the hat. But she is a witch.

274
00:18:00,454 --> 00:18:03,378
ALL: Burn her!

275
00:18:04,333 --> 00:18:06,335
Did you dress her up like this?

276
00:18:06,460 --> 00:18:08,428
ALL: No. Yes.

277
00:18:08,713 --> 00:18:12,092
Yes, a bit. She has got a wart.

278
00:18:13,634 --> 00:18:15,557
What makes you
think she is a witch?

279
00:18:15,678 --> 00:18:17,646
Well, she turned me into a newt.

280
00:18:19,098 --> 00:18:20,224
A newt?

281
00:18:24,520 --> 00:18:25,772
I got better.

282
00:18:26,022 --> 00:18:27,319
Burn her anyway.

283
00:18:27,440 --> 00:18:28,692
Burn her!

284
00:18:32,403 --> 00:18:34,451
Quiet!

285
00:18:34,530 --> 00:18:37,283
There are ways of telling
whether she is a witch.

286
00:18:38,034 --> 00:18:39,661
Are there?
What are they? Tell us.

287
00:18:39,785 --> 00:18:41,412
Do they hurt?

288
00:18:41,871 --> 00:18:44,795
Tell me,
what do you do with witches?

289
00:18:44,957 --> 00:18:47,335
ALL: Burn them!

290
00:18:48,419 --> 00:18:50,217
What do you burn
apart from witches?

291
00:18:50,338 --> 00:18:52,136
More witches!

292
00:18:52,214 --> 00:18:53,215
Shh!

293
00:18:53,507 --> 00:18:55,180
Wood.

294
00:18:55,301 --> 00:18:57,019
So, why do witches burn?

295
00:19:08,481 --> 00:19:09,698
'Cause they're made of wood?

296
00:19:09,815 --> 00:19:11,032
Good.

297
00:19:11,400 --> 00:19:13,152
[ PEOPLE MURMURING ]

298
00:19:13,235 --> 00:19:16,705
So, how do we tell whether
she is made of wood?

299
00:19:17,698 --> 00:19:19,200
Build a bridge out of her.

300
00:19:19,283 --> 00:19:22,583
Ah! Can you not also
make bridges of stone?

301
00:19:23,663 --> 00:19:24,710
Oh, yeah.

302
00:19:25,831 --> 00:19:28,209
Does wood sink in water?

303
00:19:28,542 --> 00:19:29,714
No.

304
00:19:29,835 --> 00:19:31,007
It floats.

305
00:19:31,087 --> 00:19:32,805
Throw her into the pond!

306
00:19:33,214 --> 00:19:34,431
[ ALL SHOUTING ]

307
00:19:35,841 --> 00:19:38,685
What also floats in water?

308
00:19:38,761 --> 00:19:39,887
Bread.

309
00:19:39,970 --> 00:19:41,847
Apples. Uh, very small rocks.

310
00:19:42,306 --> 00:19:44,980
Cider. Cherries. Gravy. Mud.

311
00:19:45,518 --> 00:19:47,236
Churches. Lead.

312
00:19:47,436 --> 00:19:48,483
A duck!

313
00:19:50,856 --> 00:19:51,903
Exactly.

314
00:19:53,734 --> 00:19:55,361
So, logically...

315
00:19:55,861 --> 00:19:57,488
If she

316
00:19:58,364 --> 00:20:00,662
weighs the same as a duck...

317
00:20:03,119 --> 00:20:04,712
She's made of wood.

318
00:20:04,787 --> 00:20:06,255
And, therefore...

319
00:20:08,457 --> 00:20:09,925
A witch! A witch!

320
00:20:14,630 --> 00:20:16,849
We shall use my largest scales.

321
00:20:26,684 --> 00:20:31,315
[ ALL CLAMORING IMPATIENTLY ]

322
00:20:37,111 --> 00:20:40,706
Right. Remove the supports!

323
00:20:45,870 --> 00:20:47,087
ALL: A witch!

324
00:20:47,997 --> 00:20:49,795
It's a fair cop. Burn her!

325
00:20:51,333 --> 00:20:52,676
[ ALL SHOUTING ]

326
00:20:57,882 --> 00:21:01,056
Who are you, who are so
wise in the ways of science?

327
00:21:01,218 --> 00:21:02,811
I am Arthur,
King of the Britons.

328
00:21:02,928 --> 00:21:04,521
My liege.

329
00:21:05,890 --> 00:21:08,313
Good Sir Knight,
will you come to Camelot,

330
00:21:08,434 --> 00:21:10,857
and join us at the Round Table?

331
00:21:11,437 --> 00:21:13,531
My liege, I would be honored.

332
00:21:14,148 --> 00:21:15,365
What is your name?

333
00:21:15,524 --> 00:21:16,741
Bedevere, my liege.

334
00:21:17,193 --> 00:21:19,912
Then I dub you Sir Bedevere,

335
00:21:20,780 --> 00:21:22,703
knight of the Round Table.

336
00:21:24,200 --> 00:21:27,955
<i>NARRATOR: The wise Sir Bedevere was the
first to join King Arthur's knights.</i>

337
00:21:28,037 --> 00:21:30,916
<i>But other illustrious names
were soon to follow.</i>

338
00:21:31,457 --> 00:21:33,255
<i>Sir Lancelot the Brave.</i>

339
00:21:34,251 --> 00:21:35,969
<i>Sir Galahad the Pure.</i>

340
00:21:36,754 --> 00:21:39,758
<i>And Sir Robin, the
Not-quite-so-brave-as-Sir-Lancelot,</i>

341
00:21:39,840 --> 00:21:42,093
<i>who had nearly fought
the Dragon of Angnor,</i>

342
00:21:42,176 --> 00:21:45,271
<i>who had nearly stood up to the
vicious Chicken of Bristol,</i>

343
00:21:45,346 --> 00:21:49,101
<i>and who had personally wet himself
at the Battle of Badon Hill.</i>

344
00:21:49,350 --> 00:21:52,820
<i>And the aptly named Sir
Not-appearing-in-this-film.</i>

345
00:21:54,230 --> 00:21:55,948
<i>Together they formed a band</i>

346
00:21:56,023 --> 00:21:59,869
<i>whose names and deeds were to be
retold throughout the centuries.</i>

347
00:21:59,985 --> 00:22:02,408
<i>The Knights of the Round Table.</i>

348
00:22:03,072 --> 00:22:06,497
That, my liege, is how we know
the Earth to be banana-shaped.

349
00:22:06,575 --> 00:22:09,044
This new learning
amazes me, Sir Bedevere.

350
00:22:09,119 --> 00:22:10,996
Explain again how
sheep's bladders

351
00:22:11,080 --> 00:22:12,957
may be employed to
prevent earthquakes.

352
00:22:13,040 --> 00:22:14,040
Certainly, sir.

353
00:22:14,083 --> 00:22:15,084
Look, my liege.

354
00:22:19,088 --> 00:22:20,931
Camelot. Camelot.

355
00:22:21,215 --> 00:22:23,138
Camelot. It's only a model.

356
00:22:23,342 --> 00:22:24,343
Shh!

357
00:22:24,885 --> 00:22:27,513
Knights, I bid you welcome
to your new home.

358
00:22:27,721 --> 00:22:30,270
Let us ride to Camelot!

359
00:22:30,933 --> 00:22:32,185
[ LIVELY MUSIC PLAYING ]

360
00:22:32,268 --> 00:22:33,895
♪ <i>We're knights ♪
♪ of the Round Table</i> ♪

361
00:22:33,978 --> 00:22:35,400
♪ We <i>dance</i> whene'er we're <i>able</i> ♪

362
00:22:35,479 --> 00:22:38,574
♪ <i>We do routines and chorus ♪
♪ scenes With footwork impeccable</i> ♪

363
00:22:38,649 --> 00:22:41,949
♪ <i>We dine well here in Camelot We ♪
♪ eat ham and jam and Spam a lot</i> ♪

364
00:22:48,784 --> 00:22:50,384
♪ <i>We're knights ♪
♪ of the Round Table</i> ♪

365
00:22:50,452 --> 00:22:52,955
<i>Our shows are formidable</i>

366
00:22:53,664 --> 00:22:55,462
♪ <i>But many times ♪
♪ We're given rhymes</i> ♪

367
00:22:55,541 --> 00:22:58,420
♪ <i>That are quite unsingable ♪
♪ We're opera mad in Camelot</i> ♪

368
00:22:58,502 --> 00:23:01,847
♪ <i>We sing from ♪
♪ the diaphragm a lot</i> ♪

369
00:23:04,258 --> 00:23:05,259
[ MUSIC PLAYING FAINTLY ]

370
00:23:12,391 --> 00:23:15,611
[ RHYTHMIC CLANGING ]

371
00:23:15,853 --> 00:23:18,197
♪ <i>In war we're tough and able</i> ♪

372
00:23:19,023 --> 00:23:21,242
♪ <i>Quite indefatigable</i> ♪

373
00:23:22,026 --> 00:23:23,903
♪ <i>Between our quests ♪
♪ We sequin vests</i> ♪

374
00:23:23,986 --> 00:23:27,206
♪ <i>And impersonate Clark Gable ♪
♪ It's a busy life in Camelot</i> ♪

375
00:23:27,573 --> 00:23:31,623
♪ <i>I have to push ♪
♪ the pram a lot 4'</i> ♪

376
00:23:36,498 --> 00:23:40,002
No, on second thoughts, let's not
go to Camelot. It is a silly place.

377
00:23:40,085 --> 00:23:41,337
Right.

378
00:23:45,466 --> 00:23:50,472
[ THUNDER RUMBLING ]

379
00:23:50,554 --> 00:23:53,979
<i>Arthur.</i>

380
00:23:54,308 --> 00:23:55,776
<i>King of the Britons.</i>

381
00:23:57,603 --> 00:24:00,231
<i>Oh, don't grovel. If there's
one thing I can't stand,</i>

382
00:24:00,314 --> 00:24:01,361
<i>it's people grovelling.</i>

383
00:24:01,440 --> 00:24:03,158
<i>Sorry. And don't apologize.</i>

384
00:24:03,609 --> 00:24:05,486
<i>Every time I talk to someone</i>

385
00:24:05,569 --> 00:24:07,209
<i>it's "sorry this,"
and, "forgive me that,"</i>

386
00:24:07,279 --> 00:24:08,906
<i>and, "I'm not worthy."</i>

387
00:24:09,073 --> 00:24:10,370
<i>What are you doing now?</i>

388
00:24:10,532 --> 00:24:11,784
I'm averting my eyes, O Lord.

389
00:24:11,867 --> 00:24:14,666
<i>Don't. It's like those
miserable psalms.</i>

390
00:24:14,745 --> 00:24:16,418
<i>They're so depressing.</i>

391
00:24:16,622 --> 00:24:18,374
<i>Now, knock it off! Yes,</i> Lord.

392
00:24:18,457 --> 00:24:21,961
<i>Right. Arthur,
King of the Britons.</i>

393
00:24:22,544 --> 00:24:25,172
<i>Your knights of the
Round Table shall have a task</i>

394
00:24:25,255 --> 00:24:27,974
<i>to make them an example
in these dark times.</i>

395
00:24:28,050 --> 00:24:29,347
Good idea, O Lord!

396
00:24:29,468 --> 00:24:30,765
<i>Course it's a good idea.</i>

397
00:24:31,470 --> 00:24:35,191
<i>Behold, Arthur,
this is the Holy Grail.</i>

398
00:24:35,432 --> 00:24:40,063
<i>Look well, Arthur, for it is your
sacred task to seek this grail.</i>

399
00:24:40,479 --> 00:24:42,732
<i>That is your purpose, Arthur.</i>

400
00:24:43,649 --> 00:24:46,402
<i>The quest for the Holy Grail.</i>

401
00:24:50,572 --> 00:24:52,415
A blessing from the Lord.

402
00:24:52,533 --> 00:24:54,410
God be praised!

403
00:25:52,968 --> 00:25:54,060
Halt!

404
00:25:59,808 --> 00:26:03,858
[ HORN BLARING ]

405
00:26:05,022 --> 00:26:06,148
Hello!

406
00:26:13,697 --> 00:26:14,823
Hello!

407
00:26:16,533 --> 00:26:18,080
[ IN FRENCH ACCENT ]
Hello. Who is it?

408
00:26:18,410 --> 00:26:22,005
It is King Arthur, and these are
my knights of the Round Table.

409
00:26:22,164 --> 00:26:23,711
Whose castle is this?

410
00:26:23,916 --> 00:26:27,216
This is the castle of my
master, Guy de Loimbard.

411
00:26:27,503 --> 00:26:31,383
Go and tell your master that
we have been charged by God

412
00:26:31,840 --> 00:26:33,934
with a sacred quest.

413
00:26:34,009 --> 00:26:36,603
If he will give us food and
shelter for the night,

414
00:26:36,678 --> 00:26:39,557
he can join us in our quest
for the Holy Grail.

415
00:26:39,890 --> 00:26:43,064
Well, I'll ask him, but I don't
think he'll be very keen.

416
00:26:43,185 --> 00:26:45,233
He's already got one, you see.

417
00:26:46,396 --> 00:26:47,568
What?

418
00:26:47,689 --> 00:26:48,969
He says they've already got one!

419
00:26:50,317 --> 00:26:52,115
Are you sure he's got one?

420
00:26:52,236 --> 00:26:54,034
Oh, yes. It's very nice.

421
00:26:54,905 --> 00:26:57,078
I told him we've
already got one.

422
00:26:57,282 --> 00:26:58,283
[ SNICKERING ]

423
00:26:58,534 --> 00:26:59,535
Uh, um...

424
00:27:00,244 --> 00:27:02,338
Can we come up and have a look?

425
00:27:02,454 --> 00:27:04,548
Of course not!
You are English-types.

426
00:27:06,208 --> 00:27:07,255
Well, what are you then?

427
00:27:07,376 --> 00:27:08,468
I'm French.

428
00:27:08,544 --> 00:27:12,549
Why do you think I have this
outrageous accent, you silly king?

429
00:27:13,048 --> 00:27:14,550
What are you doing in England?

430
00:27:14,716 --> 00:27:16,218
Mind your own business.

431
00:27:17,886 --> 00:27:19,729
If you will not
show us the Grail,

432
00:27:19,847 --> 00:27:21,645
we shall take
your castle by force.

433
00:27:21,723 --> 00:27:24,897
You don't frighten us,
English pig-dogs!

434
00:27:25,519 --> 00:27:29,444
Go and boil your bottoms,
sons of a silly person.

435
00:27:29,731 --> 00:27:33,611
I blow my nose at you,
so-called Arthur King.

436
00:27:33,861 --> 00:27:37,911
You and all your
silly English knights.

437
00:27:38,991 --> 00:27:42,086
[ RAZZING ]

438
00:27:44,788 --> 00:27:46,415
What a strange person.

439
00:27:46,582 --> 00:27:48,175
Now look here, my good man...

440
00:27:48,250 --> 00:27:50,628
I don't want to
talk to you no more,

441
00:27:50,919 --> 00:27:54,219
you empty-headed,
animal food-trough wiper.

442
00:27:54,590 --> 00:27:57,343
I fart in your
general direction.

443
00:27:57,843 --> 00:28:02,770
Your mother was a hamster, and
your father smelt of elderberries.

444
00:28:04,975 --> 00:28:07,694
Is there someone else up there
we could talk to?

445
00:28:07,769 --> 00:28:11,649
No. Now go away, or I shall taunt
you a second time.

446
00:28:14,026 --> 00:28:17,701
Now, this is your last chance.
I've been more than reasonable...

447
00:28:17,821 --> 00:28:19,243
<i>Fetchez la vache! Quoi?</i>

448
00:28:19,323 --> 00:28:20,791
<i>Fetchez la vache!</i>

449
00:28:23,160 --> 00:28:26,255
If you do not agree to my
commands, then I shall...

450
00:28:26,330 --> 00:28:28,173
[ BOINGING ] [ cow MOOING ]

451
00:28:28,248 --> 00:28:29,545
Jesus Christ!

452
00:28:30,876 --> 00:28:31,877
Crikey!

453
00:28:31,960 --> 00:28:32,961
[ GRUNTS ]

454
00:28:34,504 --> 00:28:36,802
Right! Charge!

455
00:28:38,926 --> 00:28:41,224
[ CATAPULT FIRING ]

456
00:28:44,723 --> 00:28:46,145
[ JEERING VICIOUSLY ]

457
00:28:49,895 --> 00:28:50,896
[ CAT YOWLING ]

458
00:28:51,480 --> 00:28:54,029
Run away! Run away!

459
00:28:54,775 --> 00:28:55,947
[ KNIGHTS SHOUTING ]

460
00:28:59,238 --> 00:29:01,161
[ RAZZING ]

461
00:29:04,576 --> 00:29:05,736
Fiends! I'll tear them apart.

462
00:29:05,786 --> 00:29:06,878
No, no.

463
00:29:06,995 --> 00:29:09,919
Sir, I have a plan, sir.

464
00:29:13,502 --> 00:29:18,178
[ WIND BLOWING ]

465
00:29:19,800 --> 00:29:23,725
[ SAWING ]

466
00:29:26,348 --> 00:29:27,520
[ CLATTERING ]

467
00:29:34,273 --> 00:29:35,741
[ CAT YOWLING ]

468
00:29:36,024 --> 00:29:38,527
[ SQUEAKING ]

469
00:29:38,610 --> 00:29:40,112
[ CREAKING ]

470
00:29:40,195 --> 00:29:44,701
[ MECHANICAL WHIRRING ]

471
00:29:49,621 --> 00:29:54,127
[ METAL CLAN KING ]

472
00:30:06,305 --> 00:30:08,524
[ RUMBLING APPROACHING ]

473
00:30:37,544 --> 00:30:39,171
[ GUARD 1 SPEAKING FRENCH ]

474
00:30:45,427 --> 00:30:46,519
GUARD 1: <i>Un</i> cadeau.
GUARD 2: What?

475
00:30:46,595 --> 00:30:47,596
A present. <i>Un</i> cadeau.

476
00:30:47,679 --> 00:30:50,182
<i>Oui, allons-y.</i> Let's <i>go.</i>

477
00:31:01,693 --> 00:31:04,162
[ FRENCH GUARDS CHATTERING ]

478
00:31:12,621 --> 00:31:13,622
[ CASTLE DOOR CLOSES ]

479
00:31:14,206 --> 00:31:15,378
What happens now?

480
00:31:15,457 --> 00:31:20,384
Well, now, Lancelot, Galahad,
and I wait until nightfall,

481
00:31:20,796 --> 00:31:24,972
and then leap out of the rabbit,
taking the French by surprise.

482
00:31:25,467 --> 00:31:28,141
Not only by surprise,
but totally unarmed!

483
00:31:29,137 --> 00:31:30,354
Who leaps out?

484
00:31:31,264 --> 00:31:33,608
Uh, Lancelot, Galahad, and I

485
00:31:34,851 --> 00:31:36,649
leap out of the rabbit.

486
00:31:38,021 --> 00:31:39,022
[ MOANS ]

487
00:31:41,358 --> 00:31:42,359
Um...

488
00:31:42,526 --> 00:31:45,655
Look. If we built this large,
wooden badger...

489
00:31:46,822 --> 00:31:47,823
[ CATAPULT FIRES ]

490
00:31:49,658 --> 00:31:52,036
ALL: Run away!

491
00:31:58,667 --> 00:31:59,668
[ ALL SHOUTING ]

492
00:32:01,837 --> 00:32:03,009
<i>History for Schools. Take 8.</i>

493
00:32:03,171 --> 00:32:04,388
DIRECTOR: Action!

494
00:32:04,840 --> 00:32:06,683
Defeat at
the castle seems to have

495
00:32:06,800 --> 00:32:08,677
utterly disheartened
King Arthur.

496
00:32:09,010 --> 00:32:11,308
The ferocity of
the French taunting

497
00:32:11,388 --> 00:32:13,516
took him completely by surprise.

498
00:32:13,890 --> 00:32:18,191
Arthur became convinced that
a new strategy was required

499
00:32:18,353 --> 00:32:20,481
if the quest for
the Holy Grail were

500
00:32:20,605 --> 00:32:22,733
to be brought to
a successful conclusion.

501
00:32:22,858 --> 00:32:25,702
Arthur, having consulted
his closest knights

502
00:32:26,069 --> 00:32:28,163
decided that they
should separate,

503
00:32:28,280 --> 00:32:30,374
and search for
the Grail individually.

504
00:32:30,740 --> 00:32:32,583
[ HOOFBEATS APPROACHING ]
Now, this is what they did...

505
00:32:32,742 --> 00:32:33,743
[ BELLOWING ]

506
00:32:35,871 --> 00:32:36,963
Frank!

507
00:32:45,213 --> 00:32:47,682
[ NARRATOR READING ]

508
00:32:48,592 --> 00:32:51,471
<i>So, each of the knights
went their separate ways.</i>

509
00:32:51,761 --> 00:32:55,061
<i>Sir Robin rode north, through
the dark forest of Ewing,</i>

510
00:32:55,265 --> 00:32:57,814
<i>accompanied by his
favourite minstrels.</i>

511
00:32:59,060 --> 00:33:02,781
♪ <i>MINSTREL: Bravely bold Sir ♪
♪ Robin Rode forth from Camelot</i> ♪

512
00:33:03,565 --> 00:33:07,615
♪ <i>He was not afraid to die ♪
♪ O, Brave Sir Robin</i> ♪

513
00:33:07,986 --> 00:33:11,911
♪ <i>He was not at all afraid ♪
♪ To be killed in nasty ways</i> ♪

514
00:33:12,407 --> 00:33:15,081
♪ <i>Brave, brave, brave, ♪
♪ brave Sir Robin</i> ♪

515
00:33:16,786 --> 00:33:20,586
♪ <i>He was not in the least bit ♪
♪ scared To be mashed into a pulp</i> ♪

516
00:33:21,291 --> 00:33:25,546
♪ <i>Or to have his eyes gouged ♪
♪ out And his elbows broken</i> ♪

517
00:33:25,754 --> 00:33:29,679
♪ <i>To have his kneecaps split ♪
♪ And his body burned away</i> ♪

518
00:33:29,966 --> 00:33:33,186
♪ <i>And his limbs all hacked ♪
♪ and mangled Brave Sir Robin</i> ♪

519
00:33:34,638 --> 00:33:36,732
♪ <i>His head smashed in ♪
♪ And his heart cut out</i> ♪

520
00:33:36,806 --> 00:33:38,766
♪ <i>His liver removed ♪
♪ And his bowels unplugged</i> ♪

521
00:33:38,808 --> 00:33:41,778
♪ <i>His nostrils raped, his bottom ♪
♪ burned off And his penis... I</i> ♪

522
00:33:41,853 --> 00:33:44,777
That's, uh,
enough music for now, lads.

523
00:33:45,607 --> 00:33:47,609
Looks like there's
dirty work afoot.

524
00:33:50,195 --> 00:33:53,074
DENNIS: Anarcho-syndicalism is
a way of preserving freedom.

525
00:33:53,156 --> 00:33:56,626
WOMAN: Dennis, forget about freedom.
Don't drop that mud.

526
00:34:00,163 --> 00:34:02,461
<i>[ (ECHOING ] Halt! Who art thou?</i>

527
00:34:02,749 --> 00:34:05,502
♪ <i>He is brave Sir Robin, ♪
♪ brave Sir Robin...</i> ♪

528
00:34:05,585 --> 00:34:06,882
Shut up!

529
00:34:07,671 --> 00:34:11,016
[ STAMMERING ] Nobody, really.
I was just passing through.

530
00:34:11,299 --> 00:34:12,551
<i>What do you want?</i>

531
00:34:12,634 --> 00:34:14,056
♪ <i>To fight and... a'</i> ♪

532
00:34:14,135 --> 00:34:15,352
Shut up!

533
00:34:15,595 --> 00:34:16,596
Um... Oh!

534
00:34:16,680 --> 00:34:18,478
Nothing. Nothing, really.

535
00:34:19,099 --> 00:34:20,646
[ STAMMERING ] Just to pass
through, good Sir Knight.

536
00:34:20,809 --> 00:34:22,402
<i>I'm afraid not.</i>

537
00:34:23,144 --> 00:34:24,145
Ah.

538
00:34:24,354 --> 00:34:26,732
Actually, I am
a knight of the Round Table.

539
00:34:26,856 --> 00:34:29,234
<i>You're a knight
of the Round Table?</i>

540
00:34:29,651 --> 00:34:30,698
Lam.

541
00:34:30,777 --> 00:34:31,824
<i>In that case,
I have to kill you.</i>

542
00:34:31,945 --> 00:34:32,992
<i>Shall I?</i>

543
00:34:33,071 --> 00:34:34,118
<i>I don't think so.</i>

544
00:34:34,239 --> 00:34:35,286
<i>What do I think?</i>

545
00:34:35,365 --> 00:34:37,208
<i>Kill him. Let's be nice to him.</i>

546
00:34:37,284 --> 00:34:38,376
<i>Shut up. But...</i>

547
00:34:38,451 --> 00:34:39,498
<i>And you!</i>

548
00:34:39,578 --> 00:34:41,580
<i>Get the sword out.
I want to cut his head off!</i>

549
00:34:41,663 --> 00:34:43,006
<i>Cut your own head off.</i>

550
00:34:43,164 --> 00:34:44,507
<i>Yes, do us all a favour.</i>

551
00:34:44,583 --> 00:34:46,631
<i>What? Yapping on all the time.</i>

552
00:34:46,710 --> 00:34:48,212
<i>You're lucky
you're not next to him.</i>

553
00:34:48,295 --> 00:34:49,467
<i>What do you mean?</i>

554
00:34:49,546 --> 00:34:50,547
<i>You snore.</i>

555
00:34:50,630 --> 00:34:51,677
<i>I don't.</i>

556
00:34:51,798 --> 00:34:53,345
<i>You've got bad breath.</i>

557
00:34:53,466 --> 00:34:54,968
<i>Only because you
don't brush my teeth.</i>

558
00:34:55,051 --> 00:34:57,429
<i>Stop bitching,
and let's go and have tea!</i>

559
00:34:57,512 --> 00:34:59,514
<i>All right! We'll kill him first,</i>

560
00:34:59,639 --> 00:35:01,641
<i>and then have tea and biscuits.</i>

561
00:35:01,725 --> 00:35:03,068
<i>Yes. Not biscuits.</i>

562
00:35:03,143 --> 00:35:06,613
<i>All right! Not biscuits.
But let's kill him anyway.</i>

563
00:35:06,688 --> 00:35:07,780
<i>BOTH: Right.</i>

564
00:35:10,358 --> 00:35:11,484
<i>He's buggered off!</i>

565
00:35:11,610 --> 00:35:12,702
<i>So he has! He's scarpered.</i>

566
00:35:12,777 --> 00:35:14,120
♪ <i>Brave Sir Robin ran away</i> ♪

567
00:35:14,195 --> 00:35:15,196
No!

568
00:35:15,280 --> 00:35:17,123
♪ <i>Bravely ran away, away</i> ♪

569
00:35:17,198 --> 00:35:18,324
I didn't.

570
00:35:19,200 --> 00:35:21,077
♪ <i>When danger ♪
♪ reared its ugly head</i> ♪

571
00:35:21,202 --> 00:35:23,125
♪ <i>He bravely ♪
♪ turned his tail and fled</i> ♪

572
00:35:23,204 --> 00:35:27,084
♪ <i>Yes, Brave Sir Robin turned about ♪
♪ And gallantly he chickened out</i> ♪

573
00:35:27,459 --> 00:35:31,305
♪ <i>Bravely taking to his feet ♪
♪ He beat a very brave retreat</i> ♪

574
00:35:31,504 --> 00:35:33,552
♪ <i>Bravest of the brave, ♪
♪ Sir Robin a'</i> ♪

575
00:35:33,632 --> 00:35:34,679
I never!

576
00:35:36,801 --> 00:35:40,772
♪ <i>Pie Jesu Domine</i> ♪

577
00:35:41,348 --> 00:35:45,819
♪ <i>Dona eis requiem a'</i> ♪

578
00:35:47,145 --> 00:35:48,146
[ EXCLAIMS ]

579
00:35:52,692 --> 00:35:53,693
[ WHOOPING ]

580
00:36:00,617 --> 00:36:01,618
Ooh.

581
00:36:05,455 --> 00:36:08,129
[ NARRATOR READING ]

582
00:36:08,875 --> 00:36:10,172
[ THUNDER RUMBLING ]

583
00:36:19,761 --> 00:36:20,933
[ ANIMAL HOWLING ]

584
00:36:41,533 --> 00:36:42,534
[ ANIMAL HOWLING ]

585
00:37:02,137 --> 00:37:05,437
Open the door.

586
00:37:06,599 --> 00:37:09,728
In the name of King Arthur,
open the door!

587
00:37:10,145 --> 00:37:11,988
[ WOOD CREAKING ]

588
00:37:14,315 --> 00:37:16,409
[ PANTING ]

589
00:37:16,985 --> 00:37:17,986
[ DOOR SLAMS ]

590
00:37:18,778 --> 00:37:19,825
Hello!

591
00:37:20,363 --> 00:37:24,118
Welcome, gentle Sir Knight.
Welcome to the Castle Anthrax.

592
00:37:25,368 --> 00:37:27,086
The Castle Anthrax?

593
00:37:27,162 --> 00:37:28,334
Yes.

594
00:37:28,788 --> 00:37:30,836
It's not a very
good name, is it?

595
00:37:30,915 --> 00:37:35,466
Oh, but we are nice, and we will
attend to your every, every need!

596
00:37:36,379 --> 00:37:38,757
You are the keepers
of the Holy Grail?

597
00:37:38,882 --> 00:37:40,008
The what?

598
00:37:40,133 --> 00:37:41,259
The Grail. It is here?

599
00:37:42,260 --> 00:37:45,230
But you are tired,
and you must rest awhile.

600
00:37:45,722 --> 00:37:47,144
Midget! Crapper!

601
00:37:47,432 --> 00:37:48,934
MIDGET AND CRAPPER: Yes, O Zoot?

602
00:37:49,017 --> 00:37:50,485
Prepare a bed for our guest.

603
00:37:50,935 --> 00:37:52,187
Thank you, Zoot.

604
00:37:52,312 --> 00:37:53,529
Thank you.

605
00:37:53,646 --> 00:37:55,319
Away, away, varletesses!

606
00:37:57,066 --> 00:38:01,196
The beds here are warm and
soft, and very, very big.

607
00:38:01,696 --> 00:38:03,073
LOOK, I, uh...

608
00:38:03,156 --> 00:38:04,516
What is your name,
handsome knight?

609
00:38:04,783 --> 00:38:06,877
Uh, Sir Galahad the Chaste.

610
00:38:08,077 --> 00:38:11,047
Mine is Zoot. Just Zoot.

611
00:38:11,956 --> 00:38:13,879
Oh, but come.

612
00:38:14,000 --> 00:38:15,877
Please, in God's name,
show me the Grail.

613
00:38:17,128 --> 00:38:20,098
You have suffered much.
You are delirious.

614
00:38:20,173 --> 00:38:21,470
Look, I have seen it.
It is here.

615
00:38:21,591 --> 00:38:22,934
Sir Galahad!

616
00:38:23,009 --> 00:38:26,980
You would not be so ungallant
as to refuse our hospitality.

617
00:38:27,889 --> 00:38:28,981
[ STAMMERING ]

618
00:38:29,057 --> 00:38:30,058
Oh!

619
00:38:30,225 --> 00:38:35,231
I'm afraid our life must seem very
dull and quiet, compared to yours.

620
00:38:36,231 --> 00:38:38,609
We're eight score
blondes and brunettes,

621
00:38:38,733 --> 00:38:41,202
all between 16
and 19 and a half,

622
00:38:41,569 --> 00:38:44,664
cut off in this castle,
with no one to protect us.

623
00:38:45,782 --> 00:38:47,329
It is a lonely life.

624
00:38:48,076 --> 00:38:53,082
Bathing, dressing, undressing,
making exciting underwear.

625
00:38:54,666 --> 00:38:57,215
We are just not used
to handsome knights.

626
00:38:57,544 --> 00:39:00,138
Nay. Come. You may lie here.

627
00:39:02,298 --> 00:39:03,515
But you are wounded!

628
00:39:03,591 --> 00:39:04,717
No, it's nothing!

629
00:39:05,009 --> 00:39:09,810
You must see the doctors immediately.
Please, lie down.

630
00:39:12,976 --> 00:39:14,774
Well, what seems
to be the trouble?

631
00:39:15,645 --> 00:39:16,942
They're doctors?

632
00:39:17,272 --> 00:39:20,446
Uh, they have
a basic medical training.

633
00:39:20,525 --> 00:39:23,199
Come, come,
you must try to rest.

634
00:39:23,903 --> 00:39:26,998
Dr. Piglet! Dr. Winston!
Practice your art.

635
00:39:34,455 --> 00:39:35,798
Try to relax.

636
00:39:35,957 --> 00:39:37,557
Are you sure that's
absolutely necessary?

637
00:39:37,750 --> 00:39:39,252
We must examine you.

638
00:39:42,213 --> 00:39:43,806
There's nothing wrong with that.

639
00:39:43,965 --> 00:39:45,592
Please. We are doctors.

640
00:39:48,011 --> 00:39:49,604
Look, this cannot be.

641
00:39:50,138 --> 00:39:51,230
I am sworn to chastity!

642
00:39:51,347 --> 00:39:52,439
Back to your bed!

643
00:39:52,515 --> 00:39:55,314
Torment me no longer.
I have seen the Grail.

644
00:39:55,643 --> 00:39:56,986
There's no Grail here.

645
00:39:57,145 --> 00:39:58,488
I have seen it.

646
00:39:59,564 --> 00:40:01,111
I have seen... WOMEN: Hello.

647
00:40:06,905 --> 00:40:08,202
[ BECKONINGLY ] Hello.

648
00:40:27,926 --> 00:40:28,973
Zoot!

649
00:40:29,052 --> 00:40:31,805
I am Zoot's
identical twin sister, Dingo.

650
00:40:33,056 --> 00:40:34,273
Where are you going?

651
00:40:34,390 --> 00:40:35,607
I seek the Grail.

652
00:40:35,725 --> 00:40:37,944
I have seen it
here in this castle!

653
00:40:39,020 --> 00:40:43,400
Oh, no. Bad, bad Zoot!

654
00:40:43,733 --> 00:40:45,360
What is it?

655
00:40:45,485 --> 00:40:47,078
Wicked, bad, naughty Zoot!

656
00:40:47,570 --> 00:40:51,791
She has been setting light to our
beacon, which is Grail-shaped.

657
00:40:52,200 --> 00:40:54,544
It's not the first time
we've had this problem.

658
00:40:54,619 --> 00:40:56,337
It's not the real Grail?

659
00:40:56,621 --> 00:40:59,545
Wicked, bad, naughty, evil Zoot.

660
00:40:59,666 --> 00:41:03,011
She is a bad person,
and must pay the penalty.

661
00:41:04,712 --> 00:41:06,965
Do you think this scene
should have been cut?

662
00:41:07,048 --> 00:41:09,927
We were so worried when
the boys were writing it.

663
00:41:10,009 --> 00:41:11,602
But now we're glad. It's better

664
00:41:11,719 --> 00:41:13,346
than some
previous scenes, I think.

665
00:41:13,721 --> 00:41:15,223
<i>Ours was better visually.</i>

666
00:41:15,306 --> 00:41:18,059
Ours was committed. It wasn't
a string of pussy jokes.

667
00:41:18,142 --> 00:41:19,359
Get on with it.

668
00:41:19,477 --> 00:41:20,694
Yes. Get on with it!

669
00:41:20,770 --> 00:41:23,398
ALL: Get On with it!

670
00:41:23,982 --> 00:41:25,780
I am enjoying this scene.

671
00:41:26,567 --> 00:41:27,910
<i>Get On with it!</i>

672
00:41:28,528 --> 00:41:29,529
[ SIGHS ]

673
00:41:31,990 --> 00:41:33,537
Wicked, wicked Zoot!

674
00:41:35,785 --> 00:41:37,537
She must pay the penalty.

675
00:41:37,745 --> 00:41:40,999
In Castle Anthrax,
we have one punishment

676
00:41:41,082 --> 00:41:42,800
for setting alight
the Grail-shaped beacon.

677
00:41:43,167 --> 00:41:46,091
You must tie her down on
a bed, and spank her.

678
00:41:46,295 --> 00:41:48,423
WOMEN: A spanking! A spanking!

679
00:41:48,589 --> 00:41:51,138
You must spank her,
and after you've spanked her,

680
00:41:51,217 --> 00:41:52,514
deal with her as you like.

681
00:41:52,593 --> 00:41:53,719
And, then, spank me.

682
00:41:53,803 --> 00:41:54,895
And me!

683
00:41:54,971 --> 00:41:56,097
And me. And me.

684
00:41:56,180 --> 00:41:58,683
Yes. You must give us
all a good spanking!

685
00:41:58,766 --> 00:42:00,313
WOMEN: A spanking!

686
00:42:02,520 --> 00:42:05,239
And, after the spanking,
the oral sex.

687
00:42:05,314 --> 00:42:06,657
ALL: The oral sex!

688
00:42:06,733 --> 00:42:08,110
[ DOOR OPENING ]

689
00:42:08,401 --> 00:42:10,495
Well, I could stay a bit longer.

690
00:42:10,611 --> 00:42:11,658
LANCELOT: Sir Galahad!

691
00:42:11,738 --> 00:42:12,739
Oh. Hello.

692
00:42:12,822 --> 00:42:15,245
Quick! You are in great peril.
Why?

693
00:42:15,324 --> 00:42:16,450
No, he isn't!

694
00:42:16,576 --> 00:42:17,668
Silence, foul temptress!

695
00:42:17,744 --> 00:42:18,870
She's got a point.

696
00:42:18,953 --> 00:42:20,045
We'll cover your escape!

697
00:42:20,121 --> 00:42:21,464
Look, I'm fine!

698
00:42:21,581 --> 00:42:22,878
Wait, Sir Galahad!

699
00:42:22,957 --> 00:42:24,675
I can tackle this
lot single-handed!

700
00:42:24,792 --> 00:42:26,544
Yes, let him
tackle us single-handed!

701
00:42:26,627 --> 00:42:28,254
[ WOMEN CLAMORING IN AGREEMENT ]

702
00:42:28,337 --> 00:42:29,714
No, Sir Galahad. Come!

703
00:42:29,797 --> 00:42:32,141
Honestly, I can handle
this lot easily!

704
00:42:32,216 --> 00:42:33,513
Yes, let him handle us easily.

705
00:42:33,593 --> 00:42:34,845
Go! Quick!

706
00:42:34,927 --> 00:42:38,397
Wait! Please! I can defeat them!
There's only 150 of them!

707
00:42:38,723 --> 00:42:41,522
He'll beat us easily.
We haven't a chance.

708
00:42:41,726 --> 00:42:44,479
[ ALL CLAMORING DISAPPOINTEDLY ]

709
00:42:45,646 --> 00:42:46,898
Oh, shit!

710
00:42:47,315 --> 00:42:50,034
You were in great peril.
I don't think I was.

711
00:42:50,151 --> 00:42:51,619
You were in terrible peril.

712
00:42:51,694 --> 00:42:53,913
Let me go back,
and face the peril.

713
00:42:53,988 --> 00:42:55,035
No, it's too perilous.

714
00:42:55,114 --> 00:42:57,287
It's my duty to sample
<i>as</i> much peril <i>as</i> I can.

715
00:42:57,366 --> 00:42:59,118
We've got to
find the Holy Grail.

716
00:42:59,202 --> 00:43:00,499
Let me have just a bit of peril?

717
00:43:00,661 --> 00:43:01,958
No. It's unhealthy.

718
00:43:02,038 --> 00:43:03,039
I bet you're 93V-

719
00:43:03,122 --> 00:43:04,214
No, I'm not.

720
00:43:05,666 --> 00:43:07,464
<i>NARRATOR: Sir Lancelot
had saved Sir Galahad</i>

721
00:43:07,585 --> 00:43:09,383
<i>from almost certain temptation.</i>

722
00:43:09,670 --> 00:43:12,219
<i>But, they were still
no nearer the Grail.</i>

723
00:43:12,507 --> 00:43:16,182
<i>King Arthur and Sir Bedevere, not
more than a swallows flight away,</i>

724
00:43:16,260 --> 00:43:18,183
<i>had discovered something.</i>

725
00:43:19,222 --> 00:43:21,771
<i>That's an unladen swallows
flight, obviously.</i>

726
00:43:21,849 --> 00:43:24,318
<i>They were more than two laden
swallows flights away.</i>

727
00:43:24,393 --> 00:43:26,646
<i>Four, with a coconut
on a line between them.</i>

728
00:43:26,729 --> 00:43:28,356
<i>If the birds were...</i>

729
00:43:28,439 --> 00:43:30,362
ALL: Get On with it!

730
00:43:30,441 --> 00:43:31,442
<i>Oh, anyway,</i>

731
00:43:31,526 --> 00:43:35,030
<i>on to Scene 24, which is a smashing
scene, with some lovely acting,</i>

732
00:43:35,113 --> 00:43:37,286
<i>in which Arthur
discovers a vital clue.</i>

733
00:43:37,365 --> 00:43:39,288
<i>There aren't any swallows,
but I think you can hear</i> a...

734
00:43:39,367 --> 00:43:40,368
[ THUDDING ]

735
00:43:40,451 --> 00:43:41,452
[ NARRATOR GROAN S ]

736
00:43:41,536 --> 00:43:42,628
[ CACKLING ]

737
00:43:42,703 --> 00:43:46,549
And this enchanter of whom you
speak, he has seen the Grail?

738
00:43:51,254 --> 00:43:52,756
Where does he live?

739
00:43:52,964 --> 00:43:54,557
Old man, where does he live?

740
00:43:55,883 --> 00:44:00,764
He knows of a cave. A cave
which no man has entered.

741
00:44:01,222 --> 00:44:03,566
And the Grail.
The Grail is there?

742
00:44:03,641 --> 00:44:05,314
There is much danger.

743
00:44:05,393 --> 00:44:09,489
For beyond the cave lies
the Gorge of Eternal Peril,

744
00:44:10,022 --> 00:44:12,445
which no man has ever crossed.

745
00:44:12,900 --> 00:44:15,323
But the Grail.
Where is the Grail?

746
00:44:15,987 --> 00:44:19,116
Seek you the Bridge of Death.

747
00:44:20,700 --> 00:44:23,419
The Bridge of Death?
Which leads to the Grail?

748
00:44:23,661 --> 00:44:24,753
[ CACKLING ]

749
00:44:27,748 --> 00:44:30,672
[ BIRDS CAWING ]

750
00:44:46,642 --> 00:44:47,643
[ WOOD SNAPS ]

751
00:44:55,526 --> 00:44:56,527
[ RUSTLING ]

752
00:45:08,915 --> 00:45:10,087
Who are you?

753
00:45:10,166 --> 00:45:13,716
We are the knights who say "Ni"!

754
00:45:13,794 --> 00:45:15,074
No! Not the knights
who say "Ni"?

755
00:45:15,129 --> 00:45:16,346
The same!

756
00:45:16,422 --> 00:45:17,422
Who are they?

757
00:45:17,465 --> 00:45:20,264
We are the keepers
of the sacred words.

758
00:45:20,718 --> 00:45:24,063
"Ni," "Peng," and "Neee Wom"!

759
00:45:24,889 --> 00:45:27,392
Those who hear them
seldom live to tell the tale.

760
00:45:27,475 --> 00:45:31,855
The knights who say "Ni"
demand a sacrifice.

761
00:45:31,938 --> 00:45:34,487
Knights of Ni,
we are but simple travellers

762
00:45:34,565 --> 00:45:37,284
who seek the enchanter
who lives beyond these woods.

763
00:45:37,360 --> 00:45:43,083
[ EXCLAIMING IN PAIN ]
ALL: Ni! Ni!

764
00:45:44,492 --> 00:45:49,043
We shall say "Ni" again to
you, if you do not appease us.

765
00:45:49,664 --> 00:45:50,790
What is it you want?

766
00:45:50,915 --> 00:45:52,007
We want

767
00:45:53,960 --> 00:45:55,712
a shrubbery.

768
00:45:56,587 --> 00:45:57,634
A what?

769
00:45:57,713 --> 00:45:59,715
Ni! Ni! [ GROANING ]

770
00:45:59,840 --> 00:46:01,842
Please! No more!

771
00:46:01,926 --> 00:46:03,143
We will find you a shrubbery.

772
00:46:03,219 --> 00:46:05,688
You must return
with a shrubbery,

773
00:46:05,763 --> 00:46:09,142
or else you will never pass
through this wood

774
00:46:09,642 --> 00:46:11,064
alive.

775
00:46:11,352 --> 00:46:13,775
Knights of Ni,
you are just and fair.

776
00:46:13,854 --> 00:46:15,197
We will return with a shrubbery.

777
00:46:15,356 --> 00:46:16,733
One that looks nice.

778
00:46:16,816 --> 00:46:18,784
Of course.
And not too expensive.

779
00:46:18,859 --> 00:46:19,859
Yes.

780
00:46:19,902 --> 00:46:22,530
<i>NOW go!</i>

781
00:46:32,957 --> 00:46:33,958
[ THUDDING ]

782
00:46:34,041 --> 00:46:36,385
[ ILLUSTRATOR EXCLAIMING ]

783
00:46:37,878 --> 00:46:41,974
[ MUTTERING ]

784
00:46:55,855 --> 00:46:56,981
[ CLATTERING ]

785
00:47:00,985 --> 00:47:02,032
[ GRUNTING ]

786
00:47:05,990 --> 00:47:08,288
Stop that! Stop that!

787
00:47:08,451 --> 00:47:11,295
Go on, clear off! Go away.

788
00:47:14,457 --> 00:47:15,925
And you, clear off!

789
00:47:16,459 --> 00:47:17,460
[ SUN MUTTERING ]

790
00:47:21,380 --> 00:47:22,427
Bloody weather.

791
00:47:23,007 --> 00:47:24,930
[ NARRATOR READING ]

792
00:47:28,763 --> 00:47:30,936
[ FROGS CROAKING ]

793
00:47:31,682 --> 00:47:34,606
One day, lad,
all this will be yours.

794
00:47:34,727 --> 00:47:35,899
What, the curtains?

795
00:47:36,020 --> 00:47:37,237
No, not the curtains.

796
00:47:37,313 --> 00:47:41,784
All that you can see, stretched
out over the hills and valleys.

797
00:47:41,859 --> 00:47:43,702
That'll be your kingdom, lad.

798
00:47:43,778 --> 00:47:45,530
But, Mother. Father, lad.

799
00:47:45,696 --> 00:47:48,165
But, Father,
I don't want any of that.

800
00:47:48,240 --> 00:47:49,366
Listen, lad.

801
00:47:49,450 --> 00:47:51,794
I built this
kingdom up from nothing.

802
00:47:51,952 --> 00:47:54,330
When I started here,
it was a swamp.

803
00:47:54,830 --> 00:47:57,879
Other kings said I was daft to
build a castle on the swamp.

804
00:47:57,958 --> 00:48:01,087
But I built it all
the same to show them.

805
00:48:01,587 --> 00:48:03,385
It sank into the swamp.

806
00:48:03,464 --> 00:48:06,308
So, I built a second one.
That sank into the swamp.

807
00:48:06,384 --> 00:48:08,227
So, I built a third one.
That burned down,

808
00:48:08,344 --> 00:48:10,221
fell over,
then sank in the swamp.

809
00:48:10,304 --> 00:48:12,306
But the fourth one stayed up.

810
00:48:13,140 --> 00:48:15,234
And that's what you'll get lad.

811
00:48:15,309 --> 00:48:17,653
The strongest
castle in these isles.

812
00:48:17,770 --> 00:48:20,068
But I don't want any of that.

813
00:48:20,648 --> 00:48:22,446
I'd rather... Rather what?

814
00:48:22,650 --> 00:48:24,652
I'd rather just.

815
00:48:25,778 --> 00:48:27,155
[ SENTIMENTAL MUSIC STARTS ] sing.

816
00:48:27,279 --> 00:48:28,656
<i>[ (RECORD PLAYER SLOWS
TO A STOP ] Stop that.</i>

817
00:48:28,739 --> 00:48:31,492
You're not going into
a song while I'm here!

818
00:48:31,617 --> 00:48:33,915
In 20 minutes,
you're marrying a girl

819
00:48:33,994 --> 00:48:37,999
whose father owns the biggest
tracts of open land in Britain.

820
00:48:38,165 --> 00:48:39,462
But I don't want land.

821
00:48:39,583 --> 00:48:40,926
Listen, Alice.

822
00:48:41,001 --> 00:48:42,594
Herbert. Herbert.

823
00:48:42,670 --> 00:48:46,095
We live on a bloody swamp, we
need all the land we can get.

824
00:48:46,674 --> 00:48:48,017
But I don't like her.

825
00:48:48,134 --> 00:48:49,511
Don't like her?

826
00:48:50,302 --> 00:48:51,770
What's wrong with her?

827
00:48:51,846 --> 00:48:56,147
She's beautiful, she's rich.
She's got huge

828
00:48:56,851 --> 00:48:58,273
tracts of land.

829
00:48:59,353 --> 00:49:04,234
I know, but I want the girl
that I marry to have

830
00:49:05,192 --> 00:49:08,287
a certain special something.

831
00:49:08,362 --> 00:49:09,363
[ MUSIC RESUMES PLAYING ]

832
00:49:09,447 --> 00:49:11,290
Cut that out!

833
00:49:11,365 --> 00:49:12,366
[ RECORD PLAYER STOPS ]

834
00:49:13,033 --> 00:49:15,206
You're marrying Princess Lucky,

835
00:49:15,369 --> 00:49:17,542
so you'd better
get used to the idea!

836
00:49:18,873 --> 00:49:19,965
Guards!

837
00:49:20,374 --> 00:49:23,628
Make sure the Prince doesn't
leave the room until I get him.

838
00:49:23,711 --> 00:49:26,715
Not to leave the room,
even if you come and get him.

839
00:49:26,797 --> 00:49:28,845
No. Until I come and get him.

840
00:49:29,175 --> 00:49:32,395
Until you come and get him,
we're not to enter the room.

841
00:49:32,511 --> 00:49:37,358
No, you stay in the room and
make sure he doesn't leave.

842
00:49:37,641 --> 00:49:38,813
And you'll come and get him.

843
00:49:38,934 --> 00:49:40,151
Right.

844
00:49:40,227 --> 00:49:43,902
We don't need to do anything, apart
from stop him entering the room.

845
00:49:44,190 --> 00:49:45,692
No. Leaving the room.

846
00:49:45,816 --> 00:49:47,318
Leaving the room, yes.

847
00:49:47,568 --> 00:49:48,568
All right?

848
00:49:48,611 --> 00:49:49,658
Right. Oh, if...

849
00:49:49,737 --> 00:49:50,863
Uh, if we're...

850
00:49:50,988 --> 00:49:52,114
Yes?

851
00:49:53,782 --> 00:49:56,001
Look, it's quite simple.

852
00:49:56,076 --> 00:50:00,297
You stay here and make sure
he doesn't leave the room.

853
00:50:01,457 --> 00:50:02,504
All right? [ HICCUPS ]

854
00:50:02,583 --> 00:50:03,675
Oh, I remember.

855
00:50:03,751 --> 00:50:06,095
Uh, can he leave
the room with us?

856
00:50:06,545 --> 00:50:10,345
No, you just keep him
in here, and make sure...

857
00:50:10,424 --> 00:50:12,722
Oh, yes! We'll keep
him in here, obviously.

858
00:50:12,801 --> 00:50:14,348
But if he had to leave...

859
00:50:14,428 --> 00:50:15,975
No. Keep him in here!

860
00:50:16,096 --> 00:50:17,439
Until you, or anyone...

861
00:50:17,515 --> 00:50:18,812
Not anyone, just me.

862
00:50:18,933 --> 00:50:20,059
<i>Just you...</i>

863
00:50:20,142 --> 00:50:21,268
Get back.

864
00:50:21,602 --> 00:50:22,649
Right? Right.

865
00:50:22,728 --> 00:50:24,696
We'll stay here
until you get back.

866
00:50:24,772 --> 00:50:26,115
And make sure he doesn't leave.

867
00:50:26,273 --> 00:50:27,616
What?

868
00:50:28,943 --> 00:50:30,411
Make sure he doesn't leave.

869
00:50:30,528 --> 00:50:31,996
The Prince?

870
00:50:32,112 --> 00:50:33,705
Yes, make sure he doesn't leave.

871
00:50:33,822 --> 00:50:35,415
Yes, of course!

872
00:50:35,491 --> 00:50:37,164
I thought you meant him!

873
00:50:37,243 --> 00:50:40,918
It seemed a bit daft me having
to guard him when he's a guard.

874
00:50:41,330 --> 00:50:42,707
Is that clear?

875
00:50:42,790 --> 00:50:44,133
Quite clear. No problems.

876
00:50:44,291 --> 00:50:45,338
Right.

877
00:50:47,586 --> 00:50:48,803
Where are you going?

878
00:50:48,963 --> 00:50:50,180
We're coming with you.

879
00:50:50,297 --> 00:50:54,427
No, I want you to stay here, and
make sure he doesn't leave.

880
00:50:54,927 --> 00:50:56,144
I see, flght.

881
00:50:56,971 --> 00:50:58,723
But, Father...

882
00:50:58,847 --> 00:51:00,645
Shut it, and get that suit on.

883
00:51:02,977 --> 00:51:07,824
[ SENTIMENTAL MUSIC STARTS ]

884
00:51:08,357 --> 00:51:09,574
[ RECORD PLAYER STOPS ]
And no singing!

885
00:51:09,650 --> 00:51:10,697
[ HICCUPS ]

886
00:51:10,776 --> 00:51:12,699
Oh, go and get a glass of water.

887
00:52:01,368 --> 00:52:02,585
Well taken, Concorde!

888
00:52:02,703 --> 00:52:03,955
Thank you, sir, most kind.

889
00:52:04,038 --> 00:52:05,540
And again!

890
00:52:05,873 --> 00:52:08,968
Over we go! Good, steady!

891
00:52:09,043 --> 00:52:11,262
Now, the big one!

892
00:52:12,087 --> 00:52:13,464
Come on, Concorde!

893
00:52:13,547 --> 00:52:14,548
[ ARROW TWANGING ]

894
00:52:15,257 --> 00:52:17,385
Message for you, sir.

895
00:52:19,928 --> 00:52:21,805
Concorde, speak to me!

896
00:52:31,482 --> 00:52:33,155
"To whoever finds this note."

897
00:52:33,233 --> 00:52:37,329
"I have been
imprisoned by my father,"

898
00:52:37,738 --> 00:52:40,332
"who wishes me to
marry against my will."

899
00:52:40,407 --> 00:52:42,956
"Please, please come
and rescue me."

900
00:52:43,452 --> 00:52:46,922
"I am in the tall tower
of Swamp Castle."

901
00:52:46,997 --> 00:52:50,297
At last! A call!
A cry of distress!

902
00:52:50,417 --> 00:52:53,591
This could be the sign that
leads us to the Holy Grail!

903
00:52:53,671 --> 00:52:58,268
Brave Concorde, you shall
not have died in vain!

904
00:52:58,592 --> 00:53:00,310
I'm not quite dead, sir.

905
00:53:02,429 --> 00:53:05,023
You shall not have been
mortally wounded in vain!

906
00:53:05,099 --> 00:53:07,443
I think I could
pull through, sir.

907
00:53:08,435 --> 00:53:09,607
I see.

908
00:53:09,770 --> 00:53:10,942
I think I'm all right
to come with you.

909
00:53:11,021 --> 00:53:12,773
No, sweet Concorde! Stay here.

910
00:53:12,856 --> 00:53:16,030
I will send help <i>as</i> soon as I
have accomplished a daring and

911
00:53:16,110 --> 00:53:18,863
heroic rescue in
my own particular...

912
00:53:20,864 --> 00:53:21,865
[ GROANS ]

913
00:53:22,157 --> 00:53:23,955
Idiom, sir? Idiom!

914
00:53:24,118 --> 00:53:25,244
No, I feel fine, actually, sir.

915
00:53:25,327 --> 00:53:26,954
Farewell, sweet Concorde!

916
00:53:28,497 --> 00:53:31,671
I'll, uh, just stay
here, shall I, sir?

917
00:53:33,711 --> 00:53:34,837
Yeah.

918
00:53:37,548 --> 00:53:41,303
[ WOMEN GIGGLING SOFTLY ]

919
00:53:42,052 --> 00:53:45,181
[ INDISTINCT TALKING ]

920
00:53:51,019 --> 00:53:55,149
[ MINSTREL MUSIC PLAYING FAINTLY ]

921
00:54:14,001 --> 00:54:15,344
Morning. Morning.

922
00:54:57,044 --> 00:54:58,045
[ SHOUTS ]

923
00:55:00,214 --> 00:55:01,215
[ DISTRACTEDLY ] Hey!

924
00:55:20,734 --> 00:55:24,580
[ LAUGHING MANIACALLY ]

925
00:55:28,867 --> 00:55:32,041
[ SHOUTING ]

926
00:55:38,210 --> 00:55:39,211
[ EXCLAIMS ]

927
00:55:52,599 --> 00:55:54,693
You're not allowed
to enter the room...

928
00:55:54,768 --> 00:55:55,769
[ SHOUTING ]

929
00:55:56,979 --> 00:55:59,983
Fair one, behold your humble
servant, Sir Lancelot of Camelot.

930
00:56:00,065 --> 00:56:01,942
I have come to take...
I'm terribly sorry.

931
00:56:02,109 --> 00:56:03,986
You got my note!

932
00:56:04,319 --> 00:56:06,196
I got a note.

933
00:56:06,321 --> 00:56:08,198
You've come to rescue me?

934
00:56:08,615 --> 00:56:09,958
Well, no, you see...

935
00:56:10,075 --> 00:56:11,418
I knew someone would.

936
00:56:11,702 --> 00:56:14,046
I knew that somewhere out there,

937
00:56:14,121 --> 00:56:16,340
[ SENTIMENTAL MUSIC STARTS ]
there must be someone...

938
00:56:17,124 --> 00:56:18,171
[ RECORD PLAYER STOPS ]

939
00:56:18,292 --> 00:56:19,339
Stop that! Stop it!

940
00:56:20,878 --> 00:56:21,879
Who are you?

941
00:56:21,962 --> 00:56:23,589
I'm your son. No, not you.

942
00:56:23,672 --> 00:56:25,219
I'm Sir Lancelot, sir.

943
00:56:25,340 --> 00:56:26,887
He's come to rescue me, Father.

944
00:56:26,967 --> 00:56:28,389
Let's not jump to conclusions.

945
00:56:28,510 --> 00:56:29,887
Did you kill all those guards?

946
00:56:29,970 --> 00:56:30,971
Uh...

947
00:56:31,305 --> 00:56:33,103
Yes. Sorry.

948
00:56:33,181 --> 00:56:34,353
They cost 50 pounds each.

949
00:56:34,474 --> 00:56:35,646
I'm awfully sorry.

950
00:56:35,726 --> 00:56:39,822
Don't be afraid of him, Sir Lancelot.
I've got a rope ready.

951
00:56:40,564 --> 00:56:42,942
You killed eight
wedding guests and all!

952
00:56:43,108 --> 00:56:45,452
Well, you see,
I thought your son was a lady.

953
00:56:45,527 --> 00:56:46,870
I can understand that.

954
00:56:46,945 --> 00:56:48,071
Hurry, Sir Lancelot! Hurry!

955
00:56:48,155 --> 00:56:49,281
Shut up!

956
00:56:49,364 --> 00:56:50,991
You only killed
the bride's father!

957
00:56:51,158 --> 00:56:52,785
I didn't mean to.

958
00:56:52,868 --> 00:56:55,621
Didn't mean to? You put your
sword through his head!

959
00:56:55,704 --> 00:56:57,172
Oh, dear, is he all right?

960
00:56:57,289 --> 00:56:58,711
You kicked
the bride in the chest!

961
00:56:58,790 --> 00:57:00,070
It's going to cost me a fortune!

962
00:57:00,125 --> 00:57:01,297
I can explain.

963
00:57:01,376 --> 00:57:03,219
I was in the forest,
riding north from Camelot,

964
00:57:03,337 --> 00:57:05,180
when I got this note.

965
00:57:05,255 --> 00:57:06,507
Are you from Camelot?

966
00:57:06,632 --> 00:57:07,884
Hurry, Sir Lancelot!

967
00:57:08,008 --> 00:57:10,102
I'm a knight of
King Arthur, sir.

968
00:57:10,177 --> 00:57:13,181
Very nice castle, Camelot.
Very good pig country.

969
00:57:13,931 --> 00:57:15,353
Is it?

970
00:57:15,515 --> 00:57:16,983
I am ready!

971
00:57:17,059 --> 00:57:18,857
Would you like to
come have a drink?

972
00:57:19,019 --> 00:57:20,817
That's awfully nice of you.

973
00:57:21,146 --> 00:57:22,648
I am ready!

974
00:57:22,773 --> 00:57:24,320
I mean, to be so understanding.

975
00:57:24,399 --> 00:57:26,276
You see, when I'm in this idiom,

976
00:57:26,401 --> 00:57:28,324
I sometimes get
a bit carried away.

977
00:57:30,197 --> 00:57:31,244
[ PRINCE GRUNTS ]

978
00:57:32,199 --> 00:57:34,918
[ ALL SOBBING ]

979
00:57:34,993 --> 00:57:38,463
Now, this is the main hall. We'll
have all this knocked through...

980
00:57:38,538 --> 00:57:40,211
There he is!

981
00:57:40,374 --> 00:57:42,047
Bloody hell.

982
00:57:44,378 --> 00:57:48,349
[ ALL SCREAMING ]

983
00:57:51,635 --> 00:57:53,433
Hold it, please!

984
00:57:53,553 --> 00:57:55,396
See what I mean?
I get carried away.

985
00:57:55,472 --> 00:57:58,396
I'm really most awfully sorry.
Sorry, everyone.

986
00:57:58,475 --> 00:57:59,897
He's killed the best man!

987
00:58:01,436 --> 00:58:05,942
Hold it, please, hold it.
This is Sir Lancelot

988
00:58:06,024 --> 00:58:11,030
from the Court of Camelot, a
brave and influential knight.

989
00:58:11,780 --> 00:58:13,157
And my special guest here today.

990
00:58:13,281 --> 00:58:14,658
Hello.

991
00:58:14,741 --> 00:58:16,368
MAN: He killed my auntie!

992
00:58:17,119 --> 00:58:21,750
No, please! This is supposed
to be a happy occasion!

993
00:58:21,873 --> 00:58:25,798
Let's not bicker and argue
about who killed who.

994
00:58:26,586 --> 00:58:31,092
We are here today to witness
the union of two young people

995
00:58:31,216 --> 00:58:33,560
in the joyful bond
of holy wedlock.

996
00:58:33,719 --> 00:58:35,187
[ PEOPLE MURMURING ]

997
00:58:35,262 --> 00:58:39,062
Unfortunately, one of them,
my son Herbert,

998
00:58:39,725 --> 00:58:41,773
has just fallen to his death.

999
00:58:42,602 --> 00:58:46,106
But I don't want to think
I've lost a son, so much as

1000
00:58:46,606 --> 00:58:48,279
gained a daughter.

1001
00:58:48,984 --> 00:58:52,238
For, since the tragic
death of her father...

1002
00:58:52,320 --> 00:58:54,448
He's not quite dead!

1003
00:58:55,782 --> 00:58:58,831
Since the near fatal
wounding of her father...

1004
00:58:58,952 --> 00:59:00,704
He's getting better!

1005
00:59:02,622 --> 00:59:05,967
For, since her own father

1006
00:59:06,084 --> 00:59:09,429
who, when he
seemed about to recover,

1007
00:59:09,838 --> 00:59:13,058
suddenly felt the icy
hand of death upon him.

1008
00:59:13,133 --> 00:59:14,134
[ MAN GROANING ]

1009
00:59:14,259 --> 00:59:15,431
He's died!

1010
00:59:15,927 --> 00:59:19,557
I want his only daughter
to look upon me

1011
00:59:19,639 --> 00:59:24,145
<i>as</i> her own dad, in a very real,
and legally binding sense.

1012
00:59:25,979 --> 00:59:30,655
And I feel sure that the merger,
the union between the Princess

1013
00:59:31,359 --> 00:59:35,114
and the brave but dangerous
Sir Lancelot of Camelot...

1014
00:59:35,530 --> 00:59:36,998
What?

1015
00:59:37,115 --> 00:59:38,537
Look, the dead Prince!

1016
00:59:38,617 --> 00:59:41,370
[ ALL GASPING ]

1017
00:59:41,495 --> 00:59:43,122
GUARD: He's not quite dead!

1018
00:59:43,246 --> 00:59:44,873
HERBERT: I feel much better.

1019
00:59:44,956 --> 00:59:47,835
You fell out of
the tall tower, you creep!

1020
00:59:48,126 --> 00:59:50,754
No, I was saved
at the last minute.

1021
00:59:50,837 --> 00:59:52,089
H ow?

1022
00:59:52,172 --> 00:59:53,845
I'll tell you.

1023
00:59:54,049 --> 00:59:55,175
[ MUSIC STARTS PLAYING ]

1024
00:59:55,258 --> 00:59:57,727
Not like that! Not like that.

1025
00:59:57,803 --> 01:00:01,524
<i>"ALL". R He's going to
tell He's going to tell r.</i>

1026
01:00:05,894 --> 01:00:07,817
Quickly, sir, come this way!

1027
01:00:07,896 --> 01:00:11,821
No, it's not right for my idiom.
I must escape more...

1028
01:00:13,693 --> 01:00:15,195
Dramatically, sir?

1029
01:00:15,362 --> 01:00:16,864
Dramatically.

1030
01:00:16,988 --> 01:00:18,035
Wheel

1031
01:00:27,874 --> 01:00:28,875
[ ALL CHEERING ]

1032
01:00:29,042 --> 01:00:31,841
Excuse me, could somebody
give me a push, please?

1033
01:00:34,422 --> 01:00:35,423
[ CAT SCREECHES ]

1034
01:00:36,925 --> 01:00:37,926
[ CAT SCREECHES ]

1035
01:00:39,094 --> 01:00:40,095
[ CAT SCREECHES ]

1036
01:00:41,513 --> 01:00:42,514
[ CAT SCREECHES ]

1037
01:00:44,683 --> 01:00:45,684
[ CAT SCREECHES ]

1038
01:00:47,602 --> 01:00:49,275
Old crone!

1039
01:00:50,897 --> 01:00:54,401
Is there anywhere in this town
where we could buy a shrubbery?

1040
01:00:55,235 --> 01:00:56,282
Who sent you?

1041
01:00:56,361 --> 01:00:58,830
The knights who say "Ni"!

1042
01:00:58,905 --> 01:01:01,704
No! We have no shrubberies here.

1043
01:01:01,783 --> 01:01:05,913
If you do not tell us where we can
buy a shrubbery, my friend and I

1044
01:01:06,288 --> 01:01:07,585
will say...

1045
01:01:08,748 --> 01:01:11,592
We Will say "Ni."

1046
01:01:12,210 --> 01:01:13,507
[ GROANS ] Do your worst!

1047
01:01:13,587 --> 01:01:17,763
Very well. If you will not
assist us voluntarily...

1048
01:01:21,428 --> 01:01:22,600
Ni! No!

1049
01:01:23,388 --> 01:01:25,641
Never. No shrubberies.

1050
01:01:25,974 --> 01:01:27,726
Ni! Noo!

1051
01:01:27,976 --> 01:01:30,274
No, it's not that, it's "Ni."

1052
01:01:31,104 --> 01:01:33,482
No, you're not
doing it properly.

1053
01:01:33,607 --> 01:01:35,109
Ni. You've got it.

1054
01:01:35,233 --> 01:01:38,203
BOTH: Ni!

1055
01:01:38,278 --> 01:01:41,407
Are you saying "Ni"
to that old woman?

1056
01:01:41,531 --> 01:01:42,532
Um...

1057
01:01:42,616 --> 01:01:43,708
Yes.

1058
01:01:43,783 --> 01:01:46,161
What sad times are
these when passing

1059
01:01:46,286 --> 01:01:48,709
ruffians can say "Ni"
at will to old ladies.

1060
01:01:49,289 --> 01:01:52,463
There is a pestilence upon this land.
Nothing is sacred.

1061
01:01:52,792 --> 01:01:54,886
Even those who
arrange shrubberies

1062
01:01:54,961 --> 01:01:56,588
are under considerable
economic stress

1063
01:01:56,671 --> 01:01:58,673
at this period in history.

1064
01:01:58,798 --> 01:02:00,050
Did you say "shrubberies"?

1065
01:02:00,175 --> 01:02:01,472
Yes.

1066
01:02:01,593 --> 01:02:04,597
Shrubberies are my trade.
Lam a shrubber.

1067
01:02:04,679 --> 01:02:09,310
My name is Roger the Shrubber. I
arrange, design, and sell shrubberies.

1068
01:02:10,101 --> 01:02:11,148
Ni!

1069
01:02:11,269 --> 01:02:12,316
No!

1070
01:02:13,313 --> 01:02:16,237
Knights of Ni, we have
brought you your shrubbery.

1071
01:02:16,316 --> 01:02:17,442
May we go?

1072
01:02:17,567 --> 01:02:18,659
It is a good shrubbery.

1073
01:02:18,860 --> 01:02:20,988
I like the laurels particularly.

1074
01:02:21,112 --> 01:02:23,206
But there is one small problem.

1075
01:02:23,782 --> 01:02:24,908
What is that?

1076
01:02:24,991 --> 01:02:28,962
We are now no longer
the knights who say "Ni."

1077
01:02:29,162 --> 01:02:30,209
Shh! Shh!

1078
01:02:30,288 --> 01:02:32,256
We are now the knights who say,

1079
01:02:32,332 --> 01:02:35,836
"Ekke Ekke Ekke
Ptang Zoo Boing"!

1080
01:02:36,753 --> 01:02:38,881
Therefore,
we must give you a test.

1081
01:02:38,964 --> 01:02:42,559
What is this test, knights who
until recently said "Ni"?

1082
01:02:43,301 --> 01:02:45,474
Firstly, you must find

1083
01:02:46,179 --> 01:02:47,897
another shrubbery!

1084
01:02:49,057 --> 01:02:51,526
Not another shrubbery!

1085
01:02:51,643 --> 01:02:55,364
Then you must bring it here
beside this shrubbery.

1086
01:02:55,563 --> 01:02:57,281
Higher, so you get
the two-level effect

1087
01:02:57,399 --> 01:02:59,117
with a path going
down the middle.

1088
01:02:59,192 --> 01:03:01,240
OTHERS: A path! A path!

1089
01:03:01,361 --> 01:03:04,490
Then, when you have found
the shrubberies,

1090
01:03:04,864 --> 01:03:08,164
you must cut down the
mightiest tree in the forest

1091
01:03:08,868 --> 01:03:12,042
with a herring!

1092
01:03:13,331 --> 01:03:14,958
We shall do no such thing.

1093
01:03:15,041 --> 01:03:16,293
Oh, please.

1094
01:03:16,376 --> 01:03:19,505
Cut down a tree with a herring?
It can't be done.

1095
01:03:19,587 --> 01:03:20,804
[ SCREAMING ]

1096
01:03:21,256 --> 01:03:23,133
Don't say that word. What word?

1097
01:03:23,216 --> 01:03:25,218
I cannot tell. Suffice to say,

1098
01:03:25,343 --> 01:03:28,017
it's one of the words
the knights of Ni cannot hear.

1099
01:03:28,096 --> 01:03:31,020
How can we not say the word if
you don't tell us what it is?

1100
01:03:31,099 --> 01:03:32,100
He did it again.

1101
01:03:32,225 --> 01:03:33,226
What? "Ls"?

1102
01:03:33,643 --> 01:03:37,864
No, not "is"! You wouldn't get
very far in life not saying "is."

1103
01:03:37,939 --> 01:03:39,441
My liege, it's Robin.

1104
01:03:39,566 --> 01:03:41,694
♪ <i>He's jacking it ♪
♪ in and packing it up</i> ♪

1105
01:03:41,818 --> 01:03:43,946
♪ <i>And sneaking ♪
♪ away and buggering off</i> ♪

1106
01:03:44,070 --> 01:03:46,289
♪ <i>And chickening out ♪
♪ and pissing a pot</i> ♪

1107
01:03:46,406 --> 01:03:48,659
♪ <i>Yes, bravely he is ♪
♪ throwing in the sponge 4'</i> ♪

1108
01:03:48,742 --> 01:03:49,994
Robin. My liege.

1109
01:03:50,076 --> 01:03:51,669
It's good to see you.
Now he's said the word!

1110
01:03:51,745 --> 01:03:54,339
You haven't given up your
quest for the Holy Grail?

1111
01:03:54,414 --> 01:03:55,654
♪ <i>He is sneaking away and... a'</i> ♪

1112
01:03:55,749 --> 01:03:56,921
Shut up!

1113
01:03:57,417 --> 01:03:58,589
No, far from it.

1114
01:03:58,710 --> 01:03:59,927
You said the word again.

1115
01:04:00,003 --> 01:04:01,846
I was looking for it.

1116
01:04:01,921 --> 01:04:04,595
[ GROANS ] here in this forest.

1117
01:04:04,758 --> 01:04:06,886
No, it is far from this place.

1118
01:04:07,010 --> 01:04:09,104
Stop saying the word!

1119
01:04:09,220 --> 01:04:10,392
The word we cannot hear!

1120
01:04:10,513 --> 01:04:11,685
Stop it!

1121
01:04:11,848 --> 01:04:12,849
He said "it" again!

1122
01:04:12,932 --> 01:04:13,933
That's it!

1123
01:04:14,017 --> 01:04:16,987
I've said "it." I've said
"it." I've said "it" again!

1124
01:04:17,062 --> 01:04:19,281
That's three "its"!

1125
01:04:25,445 --> 01:04:27,618
<i>NARRATOR: And so
Arthur and Bedevere and.</i>

1126
01:04:27,781 --> 01:04:29,954
<i>Sir Robin set out on
their search to find</i>

1127
01:04:30,033 --> 01:04:33,958
<i>the enchanter of whom the old
man had spoken in Scene 24.</i>

1128
01:04:35,455 --> 01:04:38,299
<i>Beyond the forest they met
Lancelot and Galahad,</i>

1129
01:04:38,416 --> 01:04:40,794
<i>and there was much rejoicing.</i>

1130
01:04:40,877 --> 01:04:41,878
[ CHEERING ]

1131
01:04:52,305 --> 01:04:54,558
<i>In the frozen land of Nador,</i>

1132
01:04:54,641 --> 01:04:57,440
<i>they were forced to
eat Robin's minstrels.</i>

1133
01:04:58,103 --> 01:04:59,696
<i>And there was much rejoicing.</i>

1134
01:04:59,771 --> 01:05:00,772
[ KNIGHTS CHEERING ]

1135
01:05:01,981 --> 01:05:03,654
<i>A year passed.</i>

1136
01:05:05,402 --> 01:05:07,450
[ SHIVERING ]

1137
01:05:07,529 --> 01:05:09,406
<i>Winter changed into spring.</i>

1138
01:05:09,489 --> 01:05:10,529
[ MURMURS APPRECIATIVELY ]

1139
01:05:10,573 --> 01:05:12,701
<i>Spring changed into summer.</i>

1140
01:05:13,159 --> 01:05:15,582
<i>Summer changed back into winter,</i>

1141
01:05:15,662 --> 01:05:17,756
<i>and winter gave
spring and summer a miss</i>

1142
01:05:17,831 --> 01:05:20,050
<i>and went straight on
into autumn.</i>

1143
01:05:20,500 --> 01:05:21,547
[ GRUNTING ]

1144
01:05:21,626 --> 01:05:22,843
<i>Until one day.</i>

1145
01:05:41,521 --> 01:05:44,741
[ ALL EXCLAIMING ]

1146
01:05:44,983 --> 01:05:46,326
Knights,

1147
01:05:47,527 --> 01:05:48,824
forward!

1148
01:05:53,366 --> 01:05:54,367
[ EXPLOSION ]

1149
01:05:59,414 --> 01:06:00,574
[ ARTILLERY SHELL WHISTLING ]

1150
01:06:04,419 --> 01:06:05,579
[ ARTILLERY SHELL WHISTLING ]

1151
01:06:07,422 --> 01:06:09,845
[ SHELLS WHISTLING ]

1152
01:06:25,857 --> 01:06:28,451
What manner of man are you
that can summon up fire

1153
01:06:28,526 --> 01:06:30,654
without flint or tinder?

1154
01:06:30,778 --> 01:06:32,951
I am an enchanter.

1155
01:06:35,992 --> 01:06:37,835
By what name are you known?

1156
01:06:37,952 --> 01:06:39,829
There are some who call me...

1157
01:06:41,915 --> 01:06:43,167
Tim.

1158
01:06:43,291 --> 01:06:44,588
Greetings, Tim the enchanter!

1159
01:06:44,709 --> 01:06:47,087
Greetings, King Arthur.

1160
01:06:47,921 --> 01:06:49,594
You know my name? I do.

1161
01:06:52,842 --> 01:06:54,970
[ FLAME THROWER ROARING ]

1162
01:06:57,597 --> 01:07:00,350
You seek the Holy Grail.

1163
01:07:00,934 --> 01:07:04,029
That is our quest. You know
much that is hidden, Tim.

1164
01:07:04,103 --> 01:07:05,355
Quite.

1165
01:07:13,613 --> 01:07:16,036
Yes, we are looking
for the Holy Grail.

1166
01:07:16,282 --> 01:07:18,159
Our quest is to
find the Holy Grail.

1167
01:07:18,284 --> 01:07:20,207
Yes, it is.

1168
01:07:20,370 --> 01:07:21,997
[ ALL AGREEING ]

1169
01:07:23,414 --> 01:07:24,961
And so we're looking for it.

1170
01:07:25,083 --> 01:07:26,630
Yes, we are.

1171
01:07:26,751 --> 01:07:28,094
We have been for some time.

1172
01:07:28,211 --> 01:07:29,588
Ages.

1173
01:07:32,215 --> 01:07:36,641
So, anything you could
do to, uh, help would be

1174
01:07:39,097 --> 01:07:40,223
very

1175
01:07:41,474 --> 01:07:42,817
helpful.

1176
01:07:42,976 --> 01:07:44,319
Look, can you tell us where...

1177
01:07:48,147 --> 01:07:51,151
Fine, I don't want to waste
any more of your time,

1178
01:07:51,276 --> 01:07:55,156
but I don't suppose you could tell
us where we might find a, um...

1179
01:07:56,030 --> 01:07:58,203
[ STAMMERS ]

1180
01:07:58,283 --> 01:07:59,910
A what?

1181
01:08:02,078 --> 01:08:03,671
[ SHOUTING ] A grail?

1182
01:08:03,746 --> 01:08:05,919
Yes, I think so.

1183
01:08:06,457 --> 01:08:07,504
Yes.

1184
01:08:07,667 --> 01:08:08,714
[ ALL AGREEING ]

1185
01:08:08,793 --> 01:08:09,919
Yes!

1186
01:08:11,004 --> 01:08:12,051
Oh!

1187
01:08:12,130 --> 01:08:13,473
Thank you.

1188
01:08:13,590 --> 01:08:14,967
Splendid!

1189
01:08:18,678 --> 01:08:21,272
Look, you're a busy man...

1190
01:08:21,347 --> 01:08:26,023
Yes, I can help you
find the Holy Grail.

1191
01:08:26,477 --> 01:08:31,278
To the north, there lies a cave.
The Cave of Caerbannog.

1192
01:08:31,357 --> 01:08:35,703
Wherein, carved in mystic runes,
upon the very living rock,

1193
01:08:36,154 --> 01:08:39,499
the last words of
Olfin Bedwere of Rheged

1194
01:08:41,618 --> 01:08:46,545
make plain the last resting
place of the most Holy Grail.

1195
01:08:47,457 --> 01:08:48,925
Where could we
find this cave, Tim?

1196
01:08:49,042 --> 01:08:50,544
Follow!

1197
01:08:52,045 --> 01:08:56,141
But follow only if
ye be men of valour.

1198
01:08:56,549 --> 01:09:00,019
For the entrance to this cave
is guarded by a creature

1199
01:09:00,511 --> 01:09:03,731
so foul, so cruel,

1200
01:09:03,848 --> 01:09:07,068
that no man yet has
fought with it and lived.

1201
01:09:08,645 --> 01:09:13,651
Bones of full 50 men lie
strewn about its lair.

1202
01:09:14,192 --> 01:09:18,572
So, brave knights,
if you do doubt your courage

1203
01:09:19,072 --> 01:09:21,916
or your strength,
come no further,

1204
01:09:22,241 --> 01:09:27,213
for death awaits you all with
nasty, big, pointy teeth.

1205
01:09:29,666 --> 01:09:31,543
What an eccentric performance!

1206
01:09:33,503 --> 01:09:37,178
[ WIND HOWLING ]

1207
01:09:43,304 --> 01:09:44,601
[ MEN NEIGHING ]

1208
01:09:45,098 --> 01:09:46,520
They're nervous, sire.

1209
01:09:46,599 --> 01:09:49,193
Then we'd best leave them
here and carry on, on foot.

1210
01:09:49,268 --> 01:09:50,770
Dismount!

1211
01:10:03,908 --> 01:10:07,913
Behold the Cave of Caerbannog!

1212
01:10:10,331 --> 01:10:11,799
Right, keep me covered.

1213
01:10:11,958 --> 01:10:13,460
What with?

1214
01:10:14,210 --> 01:10:15,302
Just keep me covered.

1215
01:10:15,461 --> 01:10:16,587
Too late.

1216
01:10:17,922 --> 01:10:19,094
TIM: There he is!

1217
01:10:22,176 --> 01:10:23,177
Where?

1218
01:10:23,302 --> 01:10:24,349
There.

1219
01:10:25,388 --> 01:10:26,810
What, behind the rabbit?

1220
01:10:26,973 --> 01:10:28,441
It is the rabbit.

1221
01:10:30,560 --> 01:10:31,732
You silly sod!

1222
01:10:31,853 --> 01:10:33,025
What?

1223
01:10:33,104 --> 01:10:34,572
You got us all worked up.

1224
01:10:34,647 --> 01:10:36,365
That's no ordinary rabbit.

1225
01:10:36,441 --> 01:10:38,819
That's the most foul, cruel and

1226
01:10:38,985 --> 01:10:41,408
bad-tempered rodent
you ever set eyes on.

1227
01:10:41,571 --> 01:10:45,201
You tit! I soiled my
armour I was so scared!

1228
01:10:45,324 --> 01:10:48,828
Look, that rabbit's got
a vicious streak a mile wide.

1229
01:10:48,911 --> 01:10:49,912
It's a killer!

1230
01:10:49,996 --> 01:10:50,997
Get stuffed.

1231
01:10:51,080 --> 01:10:52,127
He'll do you up a treat, mate!

1232
01:10:52,206 --> 01:10:53,332
Yeah?

1233
01:10:53,416 --> 01:10:54,668
You manky Scots git!

1234
01:10:54,751 --> 01:10:55,968
I'm warning you.

1235
01:10:56,043 --> 01:10:57,841
What's he do? Nibble your bum?

1236
01:10:57,962 --> 01:10:59,714
He's got huge, sharp...

1237
01:11:00,757 --> 01:11:02,509
It can leap about...

1238
01:11:02,967 --> 01:11:04,594
Look at the bones!

1239
01:11:04,719 --> 01:11:06,392
Go on, Bors, chop its head off.

1240
01:11:06,512 --> 01:11:10,233
Right. Silly little bleeder. One
rabbit stew coming right up.

1241
01:11:12,602 --> 01:11:13,819
Look!

1242
01:11:13,895 --> 01:11:14,896
[ SQUEAKING ]

1243
01:11:16,939 --> 01:11:18,441
Jesus Christ!

1244
01:11:18,566 --> 01:11:20,113
I warned you!

1245
01:11:20,193 --> 01:11:21,194
I've done it again.

1246
01:11:21,277 --> 01:11:22,278
I warned you.

1247
01:11:22,361 --> 01:11:25,706
But did you listen to me? No,
you knew it all, didn't you?

1248
01:11:25,865 --> 01:11:30,416
It's just a harmless little bunny,
isn't it? Well, it's always the same.

1249
01:11:30,495 --> 01:11:31,712
I always...

1250
01:11:31,871 --> 01:11:33,123
Shut up!

1251
01:11:34,582 --> 01:11:36,425
Charge!

1252
01:11:43,716 --> 01:11:45,218
[ KNIGHTS SHOUTING ]

1253
01:11:46,052 --> 01:11:50,182
[ KNIGHTS SCREAMING ]

1254
01:11:53,100 --> 01:11:55,569
ALL: Run away!

1255
01:11:58,898 --> 01:12:02,368
[ LAUGHING ]

1256
01:12:04,946 --> 01:12:05,947
How many did we lose?

1257
01:12:06,030 --> 01:12:07,030
Gawain.

1258
01:12:07,073 --> 01:12:08,074
Ector.

1259
01:12:08,157 --> 01:12:09,158
And Bors. That's five.

1260
01:12:09,242 --> 01:12:11,210
Three. Three.

1261
01:12:11,536 --> 01:12:15,211
We better not risk another frontal
assault, that rabbit's dynamite.

1262
01:12:15,289 --> 01:12:17,917
Would it help to confuse it
if we run away more?

1263
01:12:18,000 --> 01:12:19,593
Shut up and change your armour.

1264
01:12:19,752 --> 01:12:21,379
Let us taunt it.

1265
01:12:21,462 --> 01:12:24,261
It may become so cross
that it will make a mistake.

1266
01:12:24,340 --> 01:12:25,466
Like what?

1267
01:12:26,759 --> 01:12:27,806
Well...

1268
01:12:30,972 --> 01:12:32,940
Have we got bows? No.

1269
01:12:33,015 --> 01:12:34,215
We have the Holy Hand Grenade.

1270
01:12:34,267 --> 01:12:35,393
Yes, of course!

1271
01:12:35,476 --> 01:12:37,228
The Holy Hand
Grenade of Antioch.

1272
01:12:37,311 --> 01:12:40,155
It's one of the sacred relics
Brother Maynard carries.

1273
01:12:40,231 --> 01:12:43,326
Brother Maynard! Bring up
the Holy Hand Grenade.

1274
01:12:44,777 --> 01:12:47,781
♪ BROTHER <i>MAYNARD: ♪
♪ Pie Jesu Domine</i> ♪

1275
01:12:47,864 --> 01:12:51,744
<i>MONKS: 4' Dona eis requiem</i>

1276
01:12:51,826 --> 01:12:55,251
♪ <i>Pie Jesu Domine</i> ♪

1277
01:12:55,371 --> 01:12:59,092
♪ <i>Dona eis requiem</i> ♪

1278
01:12:59,208 --> 01:13:02,883
♪ <i>Pie Jesu Domine</i> ♪

1279
01:13:02,962 --> 01:13:06,432
♪ <i>Dona eis requiem</i> ♪

1280
01:13:06,591 --> 01:13:10,095
♪ <i>Pie Jesu Domine</i> ♪

1281
01:13:10,177 --> 01:13:14,057
♪ <i>Dona eis requiem a'</i> ♪

1282
01:13:14,807 --> 01:13:16,104
How does it, uh...

1283
01:13:16,809 --> 01:13:17,981
How does it work?

1284
01:13:18,060 --> 01:13:19,403
I know not, my liege.

1285
01:13:19,520 --> 01:13:20,897
Consult the Book of Armaments.

1286
01:13:20,980 --> 01:13:24,780
Armaments 2: 9-21.

1287
01:13:28,112 --> 01:13:32,037
"And St. Attila raised the hand
grenade up on high, saying,"

1288
01:13:32,742 --> 01:13:36,872
"'O Lord, bless this thy hand
grenade, that with it thou mayest"

1289
01:13:36,954 --> 01:13:40,629
"'blow thine enemies
to tiny bits, in thy mercy.'"

1290
01:13:41,292 --> 01:13:44,387
"And the Lord did grin
and the people did feast upon"

1291
01:13:44,462 --> 01:13:49,434
"the lambs and sloth's and carp
and anchovies and Orangutan's"

1292
01:13:49,967 --> 01:13:52,390
"and breakfast cereals
and fruit bats and..."

1293
01:13:52,470 --> 01:13:53,972
Skip a bit, Brother.

1294
01:13:55,765 --> 01:13:57,893
"The Lord spake, saying,"

1295
01:13:57,975 --> 01:14:00,524
"'First shalt thou
take out the Holy Pin,"

1296
01:14:01,354 --> 01:14:05,780
"'then shalt thou count to
three, no more, no less."

1297
01:14:06,692 --> 01:14:09,366
"'Three shalt be the number
thou shalt count,"

1298
01:14:09,445 --> 01:14:12,449
"'and the number of the
counting shalt be three."

1299
01:14:13,032 --> 01:14:16,662
"'Four shalt thou not count,
neither count thou two,"

1300
01:14:17,203 --> 01:14:19,877
"'excepting that thou
then proceed to three."

1301
01:14:21,207 --> 01:14:23,551
"'Five is right out."

1302
01:14:24,710 --> 01:14:28,214
“Once the number three, being
the third number be reached,

1303
01:14:28,631 --> 01:14:31,885
"'then lobbest thou thy Holy
Hand Grenade of Antioch

1304
01:14:32,009 --> 01:14:35,730
"'towards thy foe, who,
being naughty in my sight,

1305
01:14:36,389 --> 01:14:38,062
"'shall snuff it."'

1306
01:14:38,724 --> 01:14:39,896
Amen.

1307
01:14:40,059 --> 01:14:41,151
ALL: Amen.

1308
01:14:41,227 --> 01:14:42,319
Right.

1309
01:14:42,979 --> 01:14:45,232
One, two, five!

1310
01:14:45,314 --> 01:14:47,191
Three, sir! Three!

1311
01:15:13,384 --> 01:15:15,728
[ ALL PANTING NERVOUSLY ]

1312
01:15:33,154 --> 01:15:34,656
There! Look!

1313
01:15:35,573 --> 01:15:36,665
What does it say?

1314
01:15:36,782 --> 01:15:37,954
What language is that?

1315
01:15:38,034 --> 01:15:40,287
Brother Maynard,
you're our scholar.

1316
01:15:40,453 --> 01:15:42,000
It is Aramaic!

1317
01:15:42,329 --> 01:15:45,208
Of course. Joseph of Arimathea!

1318
01:15:45,541 --> 01:15:46,542
Of course.

1319
01:15:46,625 --> 01:15:47,672
What does it say?

1320
01:15:47,752 --> 01:15:51,097
It reads, "Here may be found"

1321
01:15:51,172 --> 01:15:54,802
"the last words of
Joseph of Arimathea.

1322
01:15:55,509 --> 01:15:58,763
"'He who is valiant
and pure of spirit

1323
01:15:59,555 --> 01:16:01,774
"'may find the Holy Grail

1324
01:16:02,099 --> 01:16:06,400
"'in the Castle of Aaargh."'

1325
01:16:08,314 --> 01:16:09,486
What?

1326
01:16:10,232 --> 01:16:14,078
"The Castle of Aaargh."

1327
01:16:14,737 --> 01:16:15,989
What is that?

1328
01:16:16,530 --> 01:16:18,749
He must have died
while carving it.

1329
01:16:18,824 --> 01:16:20,167
Come on!

1330
01:16:20,284 --> 01:16:21,661
That's what it says.

1331
01:16:21,786 --> 01:16:25,381
Look, if he was dying, he wouldn't
bother to carve "Aaargh."

1332
01:16:25,581 --> 01:16:27,208
He'd just say it.

1333
01:16:27,333 --> 01:16:29,006
That's what's
carved in the rock.

1334
01:16:29,251 --> 01:16:30,252
Perhaps he was dictating it.

1335
01:16:30,336 --> 01:16:31,383
Shut up!

1336
01:16:31,462 --> 01:16:32,509
Does it say anything else?

1337
01:16:32,671 --> 01:16:33,763
No!

1338
01:16:33,839 --> 01:16:37,093
Just "Aaargh."

1339
01:16:39,053 --> 01:16:41,476
Aaargh.

1340
01:16:41,555 --> 01:16:45,310
Do you suppose he
meant the Camargue?

1341
01:16:45,392 --> 01:16:47,394
Where's that?
In France, I think.

1342
01:16:47,478 --> 01:16:50,948
Isn't there a St.
Aaargh's in Cornwall?

1343
01:16:51,023 --> 01:16:52,491
No, that's St. Ives.

1344
01:16:52,566 --> 01:16:54,739
<i>LANCELOT: Si. Wes.</i>

1345
01:16:54,944 --> 01:16:56,412
[ EXCLAIMING ]

1346
01:16:56,904 --> 01:16:59,453
No, "Aaargh."
At the back of the throat.

1347
01:16:59,532 --> 01:17:02,661
No, "Ooh,"
in surprise and alarm!

1348
01:17:02,910 --> 01:17:04,287
Oh, you mean a sort of an "Ah!"

1349
01:17:04,370 --> 01:17:05,667
Yes, that's right.

1350
01:17:05,996 --> 01:17:06,997
Ahhh!

1351
01:17:07,373 --> 01:17:08,374
My God!

1352
01:17:08,874 --> 01:17:10,217
[ ROARING ]

1353
01:17:11,210 --> 01:17:13,884
It's the legendary
Black Beast of...

1354
01:17:14,213 --> 01:17:16,011
Aaargh!

1355
01:17:16,173 --> 01:17:19,143
ARTHUR: That's it! Run away!

1356
01:17:24,056 --> 01:17:25,308
[ ALL SHOUTING ]

1357
01:17:28,894 --> 01:17:30,396
Keep running.

1358
01:17:35,109 --> 01:17:36,110
[ WHISPERING ] We've lost him.

1359
01:17:36,193 --> 01:17:37,194
[ BEAST ROARS ]

1360
01:17:37,278 --> 01:17:38,325
[ KNIGHTS SCREAMING ]

1361
01:17:38,404 --> 01:17:41,123
<i>NARRATOR: As the horrendous
Black Beast lunged forward,</i>

1362
01:17:41,740 --> 01:17:44,539
<i>escape for Arthur and his
knights seemed hopeless.</i>

1363
01:17:44,618 --> 01:17:48,623
<i>When, suddenly, the animator
suffered a fatal heart attack.</i>

1364
01:17:48,956 --> 01:17:51,550
<i>The cartoon peril was no more.</i>

1365
01:17:52,334 --> 01:17:55,213
<i>The quest for the Holy Grail
could continue.</i>

1366
01:18:07,349 --> 01:18:08,976
There it is!

1367
01:18:09,226 --> 01:18:11,274
The Bridge of Death.

1368
01:18:11,395 --> 01:18:13,443
ROBIN: [ UNENTHUSIASTICALLY ]
Great.

1369
01:18:13,606 --> 01:18:16,576
ARTHUR: Look! There's
the old man from Scene 24.

1370
01:18:16,650 --> 01:18:18,448
BEDEVERE: What's he doing here?

1371
01:18:18,611 --> 01:18:20,409
He is the keeper of
the Bridge of Death.

1372
01:18:20,905 --> 01:18:23,249
He asks each traveller
five questions.

1373
01:18:23,324 --> 01:18:25,292
Three questions.
Three questions.

1374
01:18:25,367 --> 01:18:27,836
He who answers
the five questions...

1375
01:18:27,912 --> 01:18:28,959
Three questions.

1376
01:18:29,038 --> 01:18:31,211
Three questions,
may cross in safety.

1377
01:18:31,332 --> 01:18:33,505
What if you get
a question wrong?

1378
01:18:33,584 --> 01:18:37,088
Then you are cast into the
Gorge of Eternal Peril.

1379
01:18:37,338 --> 01:18:38,840
Oh, wacko.

1380
01:18:38,964 --> 01:18:40,511
Who's going to
answer the questions?

1381
01:18:40,633 --> 01:18:43,477
Brave Sir Robin, you go.

1382
01:18:44,220 --> 01:18:46,222
I've got a great idea.

1383
01:18:46,847 --> 01:18:48,394
Why doesn't Lancelot go?

1384
01:18:48,474 --> 01:18:51,227
Yes, let me go, my liege. I
will take him single-handed.

1385
01:18:51,310 --> 01:18:53,062
I shall make a feint
to the north-east...

1386
01:18:53,187 --> 01:18:54,985
Hang on!

1387
01:18:55,189 --> 01:18:56,469
Just answer
the five questions...

1388
01:18:56,565 --> 01:18:57,817
Three questions.

1389
01:18:57,900 --> 01:19:01,905
Three questions, <i>as</i> best you can.
And we shall watch and pray.

1390
01:19:02,112 --> 01:19:03,955
I understand, my liege.

1391
01:19:04,198 --> 01:19:07,828
Good luck, brave Sir Lancelot.
God be with you.

1392
01:19:12,289 --> 01:19:13,336
Stop!

1393
01:19:14,917 --> 01:19:17,215
Who would cross
the Bridge of Death,

1394
01:19:17,294 --> 01:19:19,547
must answer me
these questions three.

1395
01:19:19,713 --> 01:19:21,932
Ere the other side he see.

1396
01:19:22,132 --> 01:19:25,136
Ask me the questions,
bridge keeper I'm not afraid.

1397
01:19:25,386 --> 01:19:27,263
What is your name?

1398
01:19:27,388 --> 01:19:29,311
My name is
Sir Lancelot of Camelot.

1399
01:19:30,057 --> 01:19:31,809
What is your quest?

1400
01:19:32,059 --> 01:19:34,107
To seek the Holy Grail.

1401
01:19:34,603 --> 01:19:36,731
What is your favourite colour?

1402
01:19:37,189 --> 01:19:38,236
Blue.

1403
01:19:38,357 --> 01:19:39,449
Right. Off you go.

1404
01:19:40,901 --> 01:19:42,824
Well, thank you very much.

1405
01:19:47,283 --> 01:19:48,500
That's easy.

1406
01:19:51,537 --> 01:19:52,584
Stop.

1407
01:19:53,330 --> 01:19:55,583
Who approacheth
the Bridge of Death,

1408
01:19:55,708 --> 01:19:58,006
must answer me
these questions three.

1409
01:19:58,377 --> 01:20:00,596
Ere the other side he see.

1410
01:20:01,422 --> 01:20:04,175
Ask me the questions,
bridge keeper I'm not afraid.

1411
01:20:04,258 --> 01:20:06,010
What is your name?

1412
01:20:06,135 --> 01:20:07,887
Sir Robin of Camelot.

1413
01:20:08,345 --> 01:20:09,847
What is your quest?

1414
01:20:09,972 --> 01:20:11,474
To seek the Holy Grail.

1415
01:20:11,807 --> 01:20:13,935
What is the capital of Assyria?

1416
01:20:16,770 --> 01:20:18,067
I don't know that!

1417
01:20:18,480 --> 01:20:21,359
[ SCREAMING ]

1418
01:20:26,822 --> 01:20:27,914
Stop!

1419
01:20:28,824 --> 01:20:30,542
What is your name?

1420
01:20:30,659 --> 01:20:32,377
Sir Galahad of Camelot.

1421
01:20:32,578 --> 01:20:34,751
What is your quest?

1422
01:20:34,830 --> 01:20:36,082
I seek the Grail.

1423
01:20:36,915 --> 01:20:39,509
What is your favourite colour?

1424
01:20:39,585 --> 01:20:40,757
Blue.

1425
01:20:40,836 --> 01:20:41,883
No! Yellow!

1426
01:20:42,087 --> 01:20:45,261
[ SCREAMING ]

1427
01:20:48,093 --> 01:20:49,094
[ CACKLING ]

1428
01:20:49,345 --> 01:20:50,392
Stop!

1429
01:20:50,596 --> 01:20:52,598
What is your name?

1430
01:20:52,723 --> 01:20:54,691
It is Arthur,
King of the Britons.

1431
01:20:55,100 --> 01:20:56,852
What is your quest?

1432
01:20:56,977 --> 01:20:58,775
To seek the Holy Grail.

1433
01:20:59,605 --> 01:21:02,950
What is the air-speed velocity
of an unladen swallow?

1434
01:21:03,734 --> 01:21:06,613
What do you mean? An African
or European swallow?

1435
01:21:07,613 --> 01:21:09,115
I don't know that!

1436
01:21:09,365 --> 01:21:13,245
[ SCREAMING ]

1437
01:21:15,412 --> 01:21:17,790
How do you know so
much about swallows?

1438
01:21:17,915 --> 01:21:20,589
You have to know these things
when you're a king.

1439
01:21:36,475 --> 01:21:39,479
[ ORGAN MUSIC PLAYING ]

1440
01:22:00,457 --> 01:22:01,504
Lancelot!

1441
01:22:07,965 --> 01:22:09,012
Lancelot!

1442
01:22:13,303 --> 01:22:16,523
[ POLICE RADIO CHATTERING ]

1443
01:22:17,850 --> 01:22:19,193
ARTHUR: Lancelot!

1444
01:24:08,794 --> 01:24:13,140
The Castle Aaargh.
Our quest is at an end.

1445
01:24:31,817 --> 01:24:33,410
God be praised.

1446
01:24:36,989 --> 01:24:38,411
Almighty God,

1447
01:24:38,490 --> 01:24:42,415
we thank thee, that thou hast
vouchsafed to us the most holy...

1448
01:24:42,536 --> 01:24:43,537
[ CATAPULT FIRING ]

1449
01:24:44,496 --> 01:24:46,624
[ SHEEP BLEATING ] Jesus Christ!

1450
01:24:47,833 --> 01:24:50,086
Hello, stuffy English knights

1451
01:24:50,168 --> 01:24:53,092
and Monsieur Arthur King, who has
the brain of a duck, you know.

1452
01:24:53,171 --> 01:24:56,220
So, we French fellows
outwit you a second time.

1453
01:24:56,300 --> 01:24:59,304
How dare you profane this
place with your presence?

1454
01:24:59,845 --> 01:25:03,770
I command you, in the name
of the knights of Camelot,

1455
01:25:04,016 --> 01:25:06,986
to open the doors of
this sacred castle,

1456
01:25:07,185 --> 01:25:10,655
to which God himself
has guided us.

1457
01:25:10,856 --> 01:25:13,279
How you English say?
One more time,

1458
01:25:13,400 --> 01:25:15,869
I unclog my nose
in your direction,

1459
01:25:16,153 --> 01:25:17,621
sons of a window-dresser!

1460
01:25:17,696 --> 01:25:20,290
So, you think you could
out-clever us French folk

1461
01:25:20,365 --> 01:25:23,960
with your silly knees-bent, running
about, advancing behaviour.

1462
01:25:24,036 --> 01:25:26,835
I wave my private parts
at your aunties.

1463
01:25:27,122 --> 01:25:29,545
You cheesy lot of second-hand,

1464
01:25:29,625 --> 01:25:31,719
electric donkey-bottom biters!

1465
01:25:31,793 --> 01:25:33,887
In the name of the Lord,

1466
01:25:34,004 --> 01:25:37,725
we demand entrance
to this sacred castle!

1467
01:25:37,841 --> 01:25:40,640
No chance,
English bed-wetting types.

1468
01:25:40,719 --> 01:25:42,813
I burst my pimples
at you, and call your

1469
01:25:42,888 --> 01:25:44,982
door-opening request
a silly thing!

1470
01:25:45,057 --> 01:25:48,482
You tiny-brained wipers
of other people's bottoms.

1471
01:25:48,560 --> 01:25:52,235
If you'll not open this door, we
shall take this castle by force!

1472
01:25:54,066 --> 01:25:56,569
In the name of God
and the glory of our...

1473
01:25:58,236 --> 01:26:00,739
Right! That settles it!

1474
01:26:01,573 --> 01:26:04,668
Depart at this time, and don't
be approaching any more,

1475
01:26:04,743 --> 01:26:07,087
or we fire arrows
into your heads,

1476
01:26:07,204 --> 01:26:09,502
and make castanets
out of your testicles.

1477
01:26:09,581 --> 01:26:11,174
Walk away, just ignore them.

1478
01:26:11,249 --> 01:26:15,220
And now remain gone,
illegitimate-faced bugger-folk!

1479
01:26:15,337 --> 01:26:17,590
And, if you think
you got a nasty

1480
01:26:17,756 --> 01:26:20,009
taunting this time,
you ain't heard

1481
01:26:20,092 --> 01:26:23,596
nothing yet,
stuffy English knights!

1482
01:26:24,596 --> 01:26:25,973
[ JEERING ]

1483
01:26:45,450 --> 01:26:46,952
We shall attack at once.

1484
01:26:47,077 --> 01:26:48,579
Yes, my liege.

1485
01:26:48,745 --> 01:26:50,622
Stand by for attack!

1486
01:27:50,265 --> 01:27:51,687
French persons!

1487
01:27:51,850 --> 01:27:53,067
[ JEERING ]

1488
01:27:53,143 --> 01:27:56,568
Today the blood of many a valiant
knight shall be avenged.

1489
01:27:56,938 --> 01:28:00,283
In the name of God,
we shall not stop our fight

1490
01:28:00,358 --> 01:28:05,159
till each one of you lies
dead, and the Holy Grail

1491
01:28:05,280 --> 01:28:08,875
returns to those
whom God has chosen.

1492
01:28:09,201 --> 01:28:10,327
[ FRENCHMEN LAUGHING IN DERISION ]

1493
01:28:10,410 --> 01:28:11,707
ARTHUR: Charge!

1494
01:28:11,787 --> 01:28:15,667
[ ALL SHOUTING ]

1495
01:28:33,099 --> 01:28:35,477
[ SIREN WAILING ]

1496
01:28:38,980 --> 01:28:41,403
Yes, they're the ones, I'm sure.

1497
01:28:41,566 --> 01:28:43,284
[ POLICEMEN SHOUTING ORDERS ]

1498
01:28:43,401 --> 01:28:45,495
[ POLICE RADIO CHATTERING ]

1499
01:28:47,072 --> 01:28:48,324
Come on.

1500
01:28:48,448 --> 01:28:49,700
Put this man in the van.

1501
01:28:53,578 --> 01:28:54,921
Put him in the van.

1502
01:28:55,080 --> 01:28:56,423
Get a blanket over that one.

1503
01:28:56,706 --> 01:28:59,255
Come on, back! Right back!

1504
01:29:01,503 --> 01:29:03,756
That's an offensive weapon,
that is.

1505
01:29:04,297 --> 01:29:06,595
[ POLICEMEN BARKING ORDERS ]

1506
01:29:07,050 --> 01:29:09,348
All right, sonny,
that's enough. Pack that in.

1507
01:29:09,511 --> 01:29:10,512
[ GLASS SHATTERING ]